See You On The Other Side
Meet Leah and Christine. Busy moms and entrepreneurs just trying to balance this crazy thing called life. But we don't do surface, and we're definitely not your typical momtrepreneurs...so let's go a little deeper. Empaths, traumatic childhoods, generational trauma, people pleasers, toxic relationship patterns, anxiety, depression, feeling stuck and desperately seeking peace and happiness. And then we fell into the world of magic mushrooms and psychedelics. The catalyst that helped us break out of our comfort zones and took us DEEP into our personal healing journeys. We'll take you behind the scenes as we learn more about the holistic side of healing and all the amazing people we plan on meeting along the way. Join us as we share the good, the bad, and the ugly side of healing. With and without psychedelics. We hope to see you on the other side! Note: We are not professionals and we do not advise the use of illegal substances. For more about psychedelic support or clinical trials in your area, visit https://psychedelic.support/
See You On The Other Side
96 | Stay Curious, Be Open, and...Grab The Tissues
Have you ever felt trapped in the cycle of constantly doing instead of simply being? We return from our hiatus to share the transformative journey of embracing presence over productivity. Navigating personal growth and the healing power of plant medicine, we open up about the challenges and triumphs of stepping back from social media, finding solace in solitude, and the empowerment that comes with embracing uncertainty. Join us as we unravel the intricacies of learning to "be" rather than "do," and the gratitude we hold for our community through this enlightening journey.
Creativity and play take center stage as we explore the profound impact of letting go of perfection and diving headfirst into the messiness of life. Reflecting on the human design concept of the "3/5" personality, we share personal stories of transitioning from risky youthful experimentation to a more meaningful exploration of interests. This chapter is an ode to self-discovery, the healing journey through creativity, and the freedom of self-expression, encouraging both ourselves and our children to embrace the healing power of play and creativity without fear of getting a little messy along the way.
Social media burnout is real, and we candidly discuss the pressure of maintaining an online presence that often feels inauthentic. The balance between personal growth and social media's demands becomes a focal point, as we consider taking breaks to prioritize family and self-care. We celebrate the enduring friendships that support us, the joy of simple pleasures, and the realization that sometimes, healing means stepping back and enjoying the peace we’ve worked so hard to achieve. Join us as we reflect on three years of growth, friendship, and the shared journey of navigating life’s complexities, with a promise of more adventures to come.
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Okay, oh my God, hello everyone. Hi. Have you guys missed us? I feel like they have.
Speaker 2:I've missed you guys. I've missed you and you, I've seen you. Yes, but yes, yeah, I feel like there's probably a lot of speculation happening.
Speaker 1:We have a lot of explaining to do. We've been a little MIA and I feel like sometimes when people go MIA, especially on social media, you kind of create like your own narrative oh, a hundred percent, Like we had a message where they were like are you guys? Okay, Like where are you? And I'm like well, we'll tell you guys soon, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I guess this is that episode. Yeah, oh God, I don't even know where to start. Okay, well, first off, let's just kind of set the scene. Where have you been? Is that a good place to start?
Speaker 1:Okay. So I've told everyone this. Um, if you haven't listened to those episodes, I did a journey in July and that journey was about me being a projector and me learning to not do and to just be. And if you are not, if you are a conditioned projector, you are probably like what the fuck does that mean? And so all of my journeys before that, they clicked. They really made sense, like I knew what to do and I knew how to integrate. This was the opposite, and you called me out on this. Did I? Yes, you did, which is it was good. I needed to hear it. Like I, I like to be called out. What'd I say? You said that after that journey, I was like, okay, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, so then I can be, and you're like, um, I love you, but you're still, you're like, doing that's a very that's. It's been a very hard concept for me. I remember saying that.
Speaker 1:But I didn't realize like that stuck with you, like that oh, absolutely, it very much so did, because I wasn't intentionally, I was trying to be, but still trying to do things to then be yeah, um, and so that has been a hard, a really hard thing for me to integrate Um. And then I did a human design reading with uh, nadia, she's wonderful Um, and that also came up of doing less learning to be more um, don't have to chase things, things are just going to come to me if I just kind of have that trust in being um which I think I sent you a meme.
Speaker 1:Well, I've probably shared it multiple times, but that's like you have sent me 300 000 memes and vice versa. Which one are?
Speaker 2:you talking about the one that's like I don't chase, I attract yes. Vice versa, which one are you talking about? The one that's like I don't chase, I attract yes.
Speaker 1:And it seems, when you've been chasing your whole life yeah, I'm 37. Like who has chased everything and has been very, um, like I'm always doing and pushing, and like, obviously that I'm I'm now realizing that is, uh, a part of my conditioning. The other thing is, um, obviously, before the podcast, I owned a gym and then, before the gym, I managed a few gyms and then, before that, I was a personal trainer. Um, I have always had, I have always shown up on social media Always. I've never taken a break from it.
Speaker 1:And after the gym closed, I literally went right into my mushroom journey and was like I literally went right into my mushroom journey and was like this is it? Why isn't anybody talking about this? We got to go talk about it and we got to start this podcast and we got to do this and this and this and this and this. Um, so I'll be totally honest, it's been, it's been, harder for me to show up online, especially after this journey. Um, really hard and it's it's not like an insult to to the podcast or the community that we have built, and so I don't want it to sound that way because, like the way, I am so grateful for plant medicine for you, for our listeners. Oh shit, it's already starting. Fuck me. I really am so thankful and I'm so grateful for all of the things that have happened in this journey and all of the healing and all of the integration work that I've done on this road too, but this is not coming from a place of, like sadness or depression right now. It gets clearer and clearer to me every day that I want some solitude, to give myself the opportunity to just be and not commit to anything, not do anything, because I have this opportunity right now.
Speaker 1:Um, tony, my boo, he is working in an. Uh, he got a new job and he's working in Atlanta, and so he was like listen, I'm, I have this new job and I'm gone a lot. So like, if you want to take a step back and like, rest more, like we have that opportunity right now, and I felt like all of the stars were aligning. Um, so it's, it's, it's almost like it's coming from this place of empowerment where I am looking forward to just being with myself, cause I've never really done that before and seeing what comes up. I love that and I'm really excited for it. Mom, be with myself maybe. Uh, do some things that spark some creativity and like there's not a plan and I'm really not planned, I'm really I, but I've never not had a plan.
Speaker 2:I think people in the last few years have have thought that I'm crazy for not having a plan. Yeah, I would be one of those people and I feel like now you're like oh yeah, maybe I shouldn't, also should not have a plan. Yeah, and you know and it doesn't mean that like I don't have plans for life, sure, I just am like I don't know, we'll see. Yeah, I don't know what happens next.
Speaker 1:I'm still in that place and we have been MIA, so it's it's almost like I'm I'm kind of starting to dip my toe in it right now. Starting to dip my toe in it right now and I've noticed, like allowing myself to be certain things have happened, like people have gravitated towards me or things have just been working out and so I'm like having trust in the process. So it's not this thing where it's like you know, a lot of times when I've isolated myself and withdrawn, it's come from a place of like being wounded or depression, where this it's it. It really like I'm excited to sit with myself and see what comes up and not feel like I have to do this and do that and do this. I love that. So that's where I'm at. What about you, leah?
Speaker 2:Well, I kind of want to piggyback off of that a little bit, because I feel like the more time we've taken away, the more permission we've given ourselves to take more time away. Like at first it was just like what if we? What if we don't put an episode out this week?
Speaker 2:I know what if we wait two weeks? And then that two weeks turned into like what if we just put one out once a month? What if we stopped doing? What if we stop scheduling guests? It it almost felt like the more permission we gave ourselves, the better it felt to step away. Yeah, hang on. But I remember when, when, like after your journey and you had you were. I remember that very vividly because we were like you were very much like we need to do this and this and this and this and this and this, and I'm like in the back like what? This is more like I don't, I'm already burning out and now this is like more stuff. And that's why I said that I'm like hold on, wait a minute.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I'm glad I'm, I'm, I'm really grateful that you said that, because it's like I, I had to like I want to be held accountable when I'm not like that.
Speaker 2:No, I know.
Speaker 1:But like it's, it's been a really hard thing for me to grasp. It's been a very hard concept for me to grasp.
Speaker 2:It was interesting to watch because it was very and I know it wasn't just with the podcast Like I know it was like in life in general, like if we do A, b, c and D, then I can relax Right.
Speaker 1:Well, and that's the thing too. It's, it wasn't just the podcast, it was all the things that stem from before it too. Yes, and it was. You know, the UTIs and the rashes and like I did not know how to just be. Yeah, and I'm. I'm now in this place where I'm like I'm learning. I'm not perfect, but I'm, I'm learning. And then I'm I'm seeing, even just now, like things happen for me, because I'm just allowing it to happen, if that makes sense. It makes so much sense, no it really does to me.
Speaker 2:So I guess and this is something that I I said to you recently too like after I did my first mushroom journey, I had like 18 months to play, I know, and to kind of like. I took pottery classes, I took jewelry classes. I started like playing with like fucking concrete art and like I really just jumped around and to the point that, like to the outside world it probably looked like I was having an identity crisis and it was because I was like, not in the way that like I was freaking out about who I was, but I was trying to find the intention was very different. Yeah, like, I'm like. So I remember at the time my husband, I would start doing something. He's like you should do that and sell it. And I'm like I don't want to do that and sell it. I just want to do it. Yeah, not for any other reason than to just get my hands dirty and learn a new craft and get creative and learn how to be messy, cause. This is another thing too. Learn how to be messy, cause this is another thing too.
Speaker 2:Um, little side note here Um, I never let my kids get messy, like. I didn't let them help me clean or or like or not clean, clean, not clean. I didn't let them help me bake, I didn't let them help me do arts and crafts, like everything had to be picked up. And now you come over and my house is always a mess. But I remember, like going through the shift where it was like, no, I need to let them play. I don't play because I make messes and messes are okay.
Speaker 2:But during that time, like that 18 months, like I, I, I was kind of forced into solitude because it was during COVID and everything anyway. But I was okay with that. And I said to you I don't think you got that opportunity because we jumped right into this. Yeah, and I'm not saying that that was a bad thing either, it was meant to happen. How it happened? Yes, I think it's been a fucking trip. Like it is felt like a journey, like the two of us learning and exploring together.
Speaker 2:And here's the thing too, like I think for a very long time I didn't think I could do it alone, so I always had to have somebody like exploring and doing things with me. I'm just now having this realization, and so you're the only other three, five that I know. So, like the fact that I am always down. That's what I'm saying. Like I'm like you are always down. Like hey, you want to go do ayahuasca? Fuck, yeah, I do. Like I don't have anybody else who's willing to jump into something new, same like an experience like that. Like all hands on deck, let's fucking go Um. And it's not to say I don't have friends in this space, like I, just the three five in me sees the three five in you like we are all about, like experiencing life at its fullest and experiencing things for ourself.
Speaker 2:And if you're not into human design, the three in human design is like an experimenter. I have a child who was a three, austin. Oh, not shocking at all, like if, if you tell him something's hot, he wants to touch it to see how hot for himself. He asked me the other day if he could help me cut onions, because he's always wanted to know what makes people cry when they cut onions.
Speaker 2:And I'm like, oh my God, he's such a three Like. He just wants to experience it, like you can't tell him that you'll cry when you cut onions. He wants to know why, and he wants to experience it for himself.
Speaker 1:And I think that that's how you and I are, and I kind of want to piggyback on that because, yes, I am that way, but I think it's very different now, since being on my healing journey, and so I want to explore more of that because, you were talking about like you did all these projects I have.
Speaker 1:I was somebody who I also didn't do things because I didn't want to get dirty or messy. Um, I never cooked, I never did this. And now I have a different like. I want to get dirty and messy and I want to. Yeah, maybe in high school and college I experimented, but it was like drinking, like those types of things where now it's coming from a more like empowered and healed place. So it's like I literally got a text message I was interested in learning how to be a DJ and got got a text where from the the like like I was looking at different places and they texted me and they're like hey, like would you be interested in doing DJ lessons? And I'm like I could so see myself doing that. I've been curious about like sound baths and doing something with that, or like I don't. I don't know and it's not saying that I'm going to do that, but there's just this curiosity there and I have this opportunity and I kind of want to like well, how do you?
Speaker 2:know if you're not playing with those things.
Speaker 1:Well, and I never thought that I was creative. I was just that person who I'm like. What is that?
Speaker 2:It's not just with you.
Speaker 1:I felt my stepdaughter says it as well, but you're so creative, well, I.
Speaker 2:I've done a lot of digging to find that creativity.
Speaker 1:Well, and then, when we started getting investment properties and then I started decorating them.
Speaker 1:People were like you're, like you're, you keep getting better and better at this, Like you're really creative. And that was the first time someone, people, had told me that I was creative, and so that was almost like a little seed that got planted. I'm like, well, I was some. I was well, I grew up poor, so I was always the kid who never had decorations in their room in high school and college and never got into that stuff because I couldn't afford it. And so I'm like, oh, I'm kind of creative, like I do kind of have good ideas, like what else can I do with that creativity that I didn't even know or I didn't get to experiment with? And like, what if I do try something new and I'm super creative with it? Or what if I do something and I'm not good at it?
Speaker 2:Okay, so then I can try something else, or I can get better at it, or you know, learn something from that experience, that that you take with you to try something different, like that's how creativity works, that's how power in play happens, like you just play and figure out as you go what resonates with you and what doesn't. And I also think there's a lot of healing in allowing yourself to play, yeah, and get messy and get creative.
Speaker 1:And I don't know if any of your kids had like sensory issues with like touching things. Yeah, my oldest Okay, well, I realize my son has those, but I also have those so I don't like shit. So maybe this is an like, so he does these things in ot and maybe this is an opportunity for me to also not go to an occupational therapist but to figure it out to to touch things that are dirty, or to touch things that are slimy, or to get like to get, get dirty, get messy, get dirty and it be okay, maybe messy is the better word for you Cause I know that you have some.
Speaker 1:I have some weird things with stuff Dirty.
Speaker 2:I get that. I understand that messy to me is a little bit different than dirty, yes, but get messy get messy. Yeah, and I've, I've never really done that when I think as a, I'm still a little bit of a perfectionist and that's just part of my human design and I can never like that'll never go away.
Speaker 2:I can't help that Like that's literally like something that I learned recently is just part of who I am. I can't help that Like that's literally like something that I learned recently is just part of who I am. I can never get rid of all of that. Um, but one of the lessons for me in like creating was just that it like it doesn't always have to be perfect, and sometimes when it's not as when it's better like my sweatshirt like your sweatshirt you guys.
Speaker 1:Leah made this sweatshirt, it's's so, and she had a hard time because it's it's random patches on it. It's not like perfectly lined, but that's kind of I love it.
Speaker 2:And then mine is just bloop because I I have such a hard time with like, yeah, not doing a pattern or making something uneven. And who was I saying that to? This past weekend, at your birthday party, I was saying to someone like I love a gallery wall but I can't do it. I won't do it Like someone else can do it and I can appreciate it and I can love it, like from a distance, but like for me, it would it. They would all be even and like perfectly lined up. That would be my gallery wall.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, I mean this gallery wall is pretty amazing. Oh yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2:Literally proving my point here. I didn't do this. Someone else had the full creative freedom for this, but, um, let me, okay. So I want to go back a little bit too, because I think that we're both in a season of life right now where, um, life looks different for us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, one of the things that happened this year is our school took the bus buses away, and I don't think I've ever talked about that on here because it has nothing to do with, like psychedelics or healing, um, but for the first time ever, I am a carpool mom, and that, as you know, I'm in the car so often and it's a lot, oh yeah, and while your boo is working in Atlanta, my boo is still in his second year of law school, almost going into his third year of law school.
Speaker 2:He's gone three nights, three days a week. It's a lot, and I couldn't work right now even if I wanted to. I think it's a blessing, though, because someone's got to wrangle these kids and I'm able to do that, with that being said, when school started this year and without the bus system and me being in the car as often, I have a lot less free time than I did last year, and so the thought of like here's another thing. I don't know if our listeners know either, but like we do everything from content to editing, to reaching out to people, to scheduling Calls, calls, trip sitting. We do all of it ourselves, and it was starting to feel overwhelming, something that used to be so easy to knock out in a day or two, like now. I'm like fuck, I just like, I literally just want to lay here and do nothing because I'm exhausted.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've never not been on social media in some capacity, because it was, oh yeah, that's what we were talking about too. Yeah, like managing a gym, being a personal trainer, owning a gym, like, and it's you know. I feel like if you are an entrepreneur, you're, you have a social media presence.
Speaker 1:You have to kind of you kind of have to, but it was. I think it was getting really hard for the both of us to keep up, show up, show up, because sometimes I'm like I don't know what I want to say, and now I'm in this point where I've been given a little bit of solitude and alone time, and now I'm in this place where I can't get enough of it. I want more and more and more of it. So then showing up online feels even more inauthentic. And it's not to say we don't love our followers, or but social media is a hard.
Speaker 2:Like it's like you're forcing yourself to show up.
Speaker 1:Kind of and and and. Social media can be a hard thing place to be on and show up.
Speaker 2:I have a love hate relationship with social media and I didn't even think about this until you said it, but, like you know, I had a waxing business for 12 years and so I had to keep that page up and running and posting before and afters and keeping people engaged and and we have always had multiple pages, which is a never.
Speaker 2:I just want to have one page, like I never post my kids because I don't have the time or the energy. Not saying that I should or shouldn't, but like I just want to exist on my own page for once and not have multiple pages. Cause, you're right, like I've all, like we've always had a different page to have to manage.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I don't know if you ever experienced this, but it was starting to get to a point, too, where I noticed like I would be trying to come up with content or trying to come up with something to say on social media and I'm like, oh, mike, really kind of I could be hanging out with my child, but I'm like on my phone thinking of what to say or to post and, um, I want to just give myself a break from that.
Speaker 2:Do you know how many times my kids have called me out for being on my phone and I've been like I'm literally editing a post right now. I'm not like scrolling and I I don't even think about that, but I'm like, I'm working, I'm not playing on my phone, I'm working.
Speaker 1:But they don't know the difference.
Speaker 2:They don't know the difference and it is. It is what it kind of did. It was just like I'm just now having that realization.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think the way that things are with social media is it. It can be really toxic. I like my algorithm, my personal algorithm. I love it. Same Like.
Speaker 1:I and I love to see you on the other side's algorithm as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we have a good algorithm too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and it's, it's kind of wild because you kind of build your own algorithm, you know, but like I like just seeing what I want to see, yeah, but I also really really like again the more time that I've sat on this, I want to take like a really really clean break from social media, like I'm dying to take it and I've just been waiting for us to record this episode.
Speaker 2:So we can finally start.
Speaker 1:And finally be like OK, so we're like taking a little break for you know whatever, but and just see how that feels and and you know what that does and what the things that I can do with my time without being on it and like just I feel like people always think that something's wrong because you take a break from social media and sometimes I actually think the complete opposite, it's the opposite so, like, actually, I'm just, I'm just, I'm vibing, vibing with my show, with myself.
Speaker 2:Another thing I was thinking about is um, damn it, I lost my train of thought.
Speaker 1:Keep talking, you go um, I'll figure it out keep talking you go um, I'll figure it out.
Speaker 2:What. What are? So we're obviously taking okay, go ahead. I remember I said this to you the other day. Um, there is a a point you get to when you're on a healing journey where it's like in the beginning it becomes your identity. Yeah, like you're like I'm on a healing journey, I'm on a healing journey and this is what I'm. It's like in the beginning. It becomes your identity. Yeah, Like you're like I'm on a healing journey, I'm on a healing journey and this is what I'm doing and there is nothing wrong with that. I think it's part of the process. I really do. I think it's part of the process.
Speaker 2:But there also comes a point where you're like I just want to take a break. I don't want to be learning all of this stuff. I want to go down other like different. I want to go down some fun rabbit holes. I want to go. I don't want to be learning about, like narcissistic behavior or you know, all of these ways to heal right now, because I'm like this is going to sound crazy, but where I am in my life right now feels good. I don't need to do like an ayahuasca journey. I don't need to to learn about a different modality of healing, Like, um I don't know if that sounds bad or not no, I'm like I did a breath work session recently and they were like we will get more benefits if you do like once a week and I'm like, but I don't need it.
Speaker 2:Does that make sense? Yeah, and I'm glad you said that and my life is good right now and peaceful, and it feels like the last three years of really hard work is like I'm reaping the benefits of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when we had Megan Sylvester on. Yeah, that was a really good episode because she brought that up. I'm going to have to re-listen to that, because healing is not just about doing like the heavy shit. It also can be just like learning to be taking a break laughing joy Instead of reading a book about narcissism, you're reading a smut book instead, Like I think I forgot about that episode.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and finding pleasure. Um, so it is, it's. It's this weird thing where I feel like we have like again, I cannot stress enough the way that we have we've interviewed so many wonderful people.
Speaker 1:I feel like each episode has been integration and we learn new things with each interview we have and each guest we have on, and when it's just us and we get to laugh and all of those things. But I think there is also something to say with not always having to talk about that stuff and allowing yourself to have a break to just be, don't talk about it.
Speaker 2:Be it, Is that a thing?
Speaker 1:So a thing, a saying don't, don't talk, about it Be it.
Speaker 2:Is that a thing, is that a saying?
Speaker 1:Don't, don't talk about it, be about it, there it is. Thank you yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what it feels like. It's like instead of like preaching this stuff and and like just existing in what we've learned over the last three years and and embodying it in our day-to-day life. Yeah, it feels good, like it. It feels and I know that, like I feel I don't want to speak on your behalf, but I do feel like this past year, for the two of us in our like lives has, lives has, has felt good.
Speaker 1:Yes, we all have very parallel lives. Have you ever noticed that?
Speaker 2:A hundred percent. Yes, I've noticed it's like it's kind of wild.
Speaker 1:I'm dealing with a narcissist. Congrats, you are too, let's get through this together. Your husband is in law school, congrats. Mine's working in Atlanta.
Speaker 2:Right, oh, now we have a single time, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is a lot of parallels, but it got to a point where okay, I'm like you know you would. You would send me things cause you would go down these rabbit holes and I'd be like, oh, I don't want to read this book about the DSM-5.
Speaker 2:And that is not a fun book, by the way. I know that's a terrible book, that's not a book to read.
Speaker 1:I don't want to read a book about psychedelics. I don't want to read a book about narcissistic personality disorder. I want to read a book about fairies having sex with each other.
Speaker 2:Okay, allie, we've met some awesome. I want to read a book about fairies having sex with each other. Okay, allie, we've met some awesome people on this journey. Love you, allie. That was not a dig, that was a compliment. She knows that.
Speaker 1:But it is. It's like I want to do some arts and crafts at my house when we get us at school.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I want to take a nap. I don't want to have to like go to a sound bath or that does sound fun. If I want to go, I'll go.
Speaker 1:But I think there has maybe been a little bit of pressure for us to continue to experiment with those things. Experiment and we were the go-tos where it's like okay, they're going to do a mushroom journey, and then we're going to hear all about it. And they're going to do ayahuasca and we're going to hear all about it, and then they're going to do Hoppe, and then we're going to hear all about how they were puking their guts out, and then Christine fell asleep during the interview afterwards that actually happened.
Speaker 1:It really did. We didn't put that one out there. We should air it, though we rescheduled.
Speaker 2:There's a part of me that thinks we should air it. That would be hilarious. It is on our YouTube. It's just private.
Speaker 1:We should put it out there, we should make it public. Make it public. Jappe fucked my ass up.
Speaker 2:You're right. And so now we've just kind of reached this plateau where we're like I don't want to have to do all of that right now yeah, it doesn't mean I'm never going to, and maybe we do.
Speaker 1:It's we do it privately. I don't know. Yeah, maybe we do it's we do it privately, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, but that's that's kind of where I'm at, and I feel like we are leaving this very open ended.
Speaker 2:I I, I do feel like that and I and I think that it's not giving very many answers. It's not, but we don't know the answer. We can't give an answer when we don't know an answer. It's not, but we don't know the answer. We can't give an answer when we don't know an answer. So, and I love that we're going to kind of have to leave this open ended. This is what what go ahead.
Speaker 1:I was just going to say finish your thought, but I want you to also share with our listeners something that you've been up to during this time. Okay, I think that's important.
Speaker 2:Um I have been working on my human design certificates, working through my training, the way that I'm going to use you.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, use me so hard.
Speaker 2:I mean, here's the thing. Like this is another like oh my God. I think back on like one of the first few episodes we did, where we were just figuring out what human design was, and how much I have like immersed myself in that over the last three years. I am finally, finally, finally and I started these classes like in August, but like it's my own pace I'll sit in the carpool line. I sit in carpool line for like an hour and a half to two hours every day and I just like well, sometimes I have the capacity to like listen and take notes, and other times I'm listening to a podcast. That's another thing too. We I listened to a lot of podcasts to learn information to bring to our podcast, and so now it'll be really good to just listen to like shit I want to listen to.
Speaker 2:That's not learning. I don't want to learn. I don't want to be learning all the time. So, yeah, I'm excited because I don't know when I'll be done because, like I said, it's like my own pace. But I think if you've been a long time listener, you know this is something that I'm like super passionate about and was kind of afraid to do the jump into it. I had a lot of imposter syndrome about it. You do, I do and you you don't.
Speaker 1:You're right to piggyback off of off of what you said earlier. You do not like to do things alone.
Speaker 2:I really don't, but bitch, you're the trailblazer. You're going to do things alone. I think that's the. That's the scary part about being a manifester is that, like you're, you don't have anybody to follow and you don't have anybody to hold your hand.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's your conditioning. It's now I'm going to cry.
Speaker 2:It's a really weird place to be. Yeah, why is that making me cry?
Speaker 1:I think, because I think, because if you've been conditioned to like follow, yeah, and be a follower and cause, manifestors are the biggest people pleasers, aren't they?
Speaker 2:Could the conditioned manifestor Right?
Speaker 1:Right, yes, yes.
Speaker 2:So and I still there are still parts of me that are that way- Totally. It's been. It's been really hard to not be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's weird because you have this weird thing with like sticking out or you need somebody by your side and I don't like to stick out. Yeah, you with your pink hair.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, First off, let me that doesn't stick out at all.
Speaker 1:I no, but I think in those ways those are. Those ways are safe for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah. You know, yeah, it's hair, it's hair. Everybody has pink hair.
Speaker 1:No, but it big steps. Yeah, I think that it's harder for you and you have like I think I've been somebody who has been great at like holding your hand and being like bitch, you can do this, like you're a badass, like go get them. But now I'm like go get them and I'm still going to be rooting you on, but this is you. Yeah, this is all you.
Speaker 2:This is all me. Yeah, it's terrifying, totally.
Speaker 1:But how awesome is that.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, are you like a guru or something.
Speaker 1:I'm a projector bitch, bitch projector yeah, so I'm your guide.
Speaker 2:I think that that's like that's what's next for me, and I guess what I can say, what I can leave our listeners with, is we're still gonna hold on to the platforms for now. I think it'll be. Really I don't want to let those go. I don't either.
Speaker 1:That's like that's our baby, like we built that, and and what if we give ourselves some solitude and we're like you know what? Okay, so there's this person on Tik TOK who is literally running 500 miles on mushrooms and LSD. Oh yeah, I'm like they're doing a documentary about it. They're doing a documentary. We've been talking to them and I'm like shit, leo, we're taking a break, but this person sounds fascinating. We might interview them, we might, I don't know, but they sound super interesting. There might be a time where I'm in my social media hibernation and then I feel like posting something and I do, and it's not about the likes, it's not about the engagement, it's about like I just not about like keeping up with, like the algorithm and weekly posts and I love the people who have helped us along the way.
Speaker 2:but we have had there were a lot of rules.
Speaker 1:We have had people who helped us with our social media and that is what they were supposed to do. I totally understand that it's it's definitely not a knock on them, but it was like you have to post this many times, three, many times, three times a week on Instagram and you have to post at least once a day, and it has to be engaging and you have to do these hashtags you can, you need to post stories on instagram, but not too many stories because then it's too smothering, but not no stories, because you need engagement.
Speaker 1:And it got to a point where I'm like this isn't us, it doesn't feel authentic. It doesn't feel authentic and it's not us. And also the entire point of our podcast is learning to kind of be you, do your own thing and do your own thing and be the most authentic version of you, and I don't want to follow a fucking algorithm.
Speaker 2:Okay, so here's what I can say to that Like I have like wanted to post something every now and then about like psychedelics or healing and that doesn't live on my personal page. Like I don't want to put that on. Not that I don't put that stuff on a personal page I do but I'm like you know what? The co toast page would be a good place for this, but we're taking a break right now so I'm not gonna post it.
Speaker 2:But you don't have to put rules on it, that's what I'm saying, even if I take, it'll feel really good to just post just whenever, randomly often or not often at all, and have no rules or expectations around it. You know, um, I will say like maybe we're probably not going to be checking the dms as much, but that got sometimes got overwhelming.
Speaker 1:overwhelmingming Because we did.
Speaker 2:We got a. There were some deep, heavy conversations in there, yeah, where the responses would be like a mile long and I love that, but it would get to the like it started to get overwhelming because it happened so often with a lot of people, not just one or two. So no rules, no expectations. We are not rule followers either. We might show up and we might not, but what I would encourage all of our listeners to do, because we're both kind of doing our own things right now follow our personal pages to. If you are curious about where we are and where we're going next. Is that a good way to say that? Yeah, okay, do you have anything you want to say?
Speaker 1:Um, if you do follow me personally and I'm, am I on Instagram.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, you're taking a break.
Speaker 1:It's because I'm hibernating and I'm crafting and doing the things, but I'm good, I promise, um, but yeah, doing the things, but I'm good, I promise, but yeah, like I. I think the biggest thing that I want to say is we've known each other for a minute now. It's been like a decade. It's been a decade and I want you to hold my hand. Oh God, no, I really am so grateful for, like this journey Cause it has it's been like a fucking trip and to have a friend in this space where you're doing mushrooms, you're doing ayahuasca, you're you're going on retreats, you're having these conversations, you're doing integration work with somebody who you consider your best friend, Like not many.
Speaker 1:A lot of messages that we've gotten have been like I don't have anybody to do this with, yeah, and the fact that I get to do this with you, like I get to come to your house and have these conversations, I get to do hot bay with you and you watch me like fall asleep during an interview, like I get to do all this stuff, I really am like so grateful for this friendship because it is unlike any other friendship that I have ever had and that is so special to me and I hope that you know that, like I would not have done any of this stuff without you.
Speaker 1:But I really mean that I love you for that and I really like I think about all of the growth that we have had in just these three years. And I looked up to you and I saw, like this version of you, and I'm like, oh my God, I want to do this, I want to be this, and like, but you are all of them, I know, I know I am, and but now it's like we are together, you know, and not very many people have friendships like that on this level, where it's like we've, we've we've gone through some deep shit in this last three years, cause it's a lot of healing and a lot of work that we've done, and like, really, like I'm so grateful where I'm at and I've done that journey with you.
Speaker 2:So I feel like you are so much better at words than I am right now. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. Well, I take I need some time to think about what to say. That's what happens with me. But, like Dr Sheely in our last interview said something about having a journey partner and actually I don't even think he said it in the interview, I think he said it like after we stopped recording. Oh yeah, and I am using that because the last three years with you have been life changing, incredible, and I didn't even know that journey partner was like a word or a phrase. I love that. I feel like you've been my journey partner through all of this, and hopefully we can be lifelong journey partners.
Speaker 1:Fuck Tony and Jason.
Speaker 2:No like they don't journey with me. Like this Like you want to go do some ayahuasca, Jason's like I don't know, I'll think about it and I'm like yeah, when sign me up, let's go.
Speaker 2:Let's go right now, dmt, okay, Right, like, whatever you want to do, babe, I got you. So I I feel like you were forever, like you were locked in with me Sorry, anything new that comes up like I'm. You're the first person I'm calling to see. If you want to go, do it Absolutely, and it doesn't even have to be like it doesn't have to just be psychedelics.
Speaker 1:No, but no.
Speaker 2:We go in. I just want to experience life man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all the good, all the bad.
Speaker 2:And I also think in the last three years we've really seen each other in some of our lowest lows but also our highest highs, and those have been incredible to like witness and to watch.
Speaker 1:um, I do have a surprise hold on, oh my god it's not a table oh, my, oh, my god hold on, hold mine okay what is it? What is it? What is it?
Speaker 2:hell, yes, we're gonna do. We're gonna do a toast, since we don't drink. Yeah, we're to do a toast.
Speaker 1:Since we don't drink.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're going to do a toast with the psychedelic water Link in bio. What flavor is it?
Speaker 1:Raspberry blackberry yuzu. Okay, sounds amazing.
Speaker 2:I want this to be a toast for our community too.
Speaker 1:Jesus.
Speaker 2:Sorry, that's a lot. This is like a very big toast.
Speaker 1:God, what do you want me to? Fucking chug this, yeah, chug it.
Speaker 2:We'll have so much gas. Don't drink it yet. Don't drink it yet. I'm not going to Okay. Okay, we have met some incredible people in the last three years. We fucking have. We have had some incredible conversations with amazing people. Um, we have witnessed each other's growth, which is, I hope, one day, everybody can experience that, because that has been like the best part for me, like watching someone grow with you, and I think the thing that's been incredible about that is that we also know that on this journey, you lose a lot of people. That is that we also know that on this journey, you lose a lot of people. So thank you for like keeping it going, for keeping on growing. So this is to the last three years to see you on the other side, to who knows what comes next, who fucking knows? To being curious, to staying open, and to our listeners and the community that we've built, and we hope you guys stick around for whatever comes. That's all I got. That was beautiful. See you guys on the other side. Aw, I love you, love you.
Speaker 1:I hope everyone finds if you're a golden retriever, their feral cat, and if you're a golden retriever, their feral cat, and then if you're a feral cat, their golden retriever, where you can kind of meet in the middle.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I think you've become a little bit of a golden retriever, a little bit, I mean A little bit, maybe, a little bit Maybe I got a little bit of feral cat in me. Yeah, you got some Cali energy.
Speaker 1:You know Lydia Leah, she is not one to be fucked with. Don't fuck with Lydia.
Speaker 2:Leah, do not fuck with Lydia. Leah, and we'll leave it at that. Okay, thank you guys. We love you. We'll see what happens. Yeah, see you guys on the other side, all right, cheers.
