See You On The Other Side

67 | From Chaos to Compassion: Navigating ADHD and Life Around Us

October 23, 2023 Leah & Christine Season 2 Episode 67
See You On The Other Side
67 | From Chaos to Compassion: Navigating ADHD and Life Around Us
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Join us as we shine a light on Christine's personal battles with ADHD, sharing her experiences and shedding light on how it shapes her life and parenting. We dive into the complexities of managing our own symptoms, especially when raising a child with ADHD, and discuss the paradox of thriving on routine while struggling to maintain it.

Have you ever wondered about the effects of THC, CBD, and other substances on your mental health? We've been there. We share our personal journeys with these plant medicines and their impact on anxiety, drawing comparisons between Cannabis and Psilocybin, and how we interact with them differently based on our own individual needs.

Lastly, we touch on the importance of compassion and understanding in today's society. We explore the transformative power of open-mindedness and how crucial it is to see the humanity in others, especially in an era of social media, snap judgements and worldly injustice. We also discuss the critical role each of us plays in supporting one another during difficult times.

Join us on this rollercoaster ride of laughter, deep discussions, and insightful revelations.

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Speaker 1:

So much pink. So much pink today. Oh my God, and it was an accident. Yeah, like I love when you show up at my house and it's like we're wearing similar things. I can't get comfy. It's like us Different.

Speaker 2:

But the same, but similar. Oh, I mean, yes, same Okay.

Speaker 1:

Same but different. The same, the same but different. Welcome back to another episode Of see you on the other side, where it's just us and Scully. Yes, we have Scully here with a skeleton, but he's.

Speaker 2:

His name is spelled with a P in front.

Speaker 1:

We're those moms.

Speaker 2:

We're those moms who drop our kit off and we're like no, I don't want to. I don't want to say any specific Listeners get offended, but you know where it's like. Can't you just spell it out the regular old fucking way? Kelly, with a pH? Yeah, it's Tony. T O U G H, k N E, tony, no, it's tough, no, it's tough. No, it's tough, no, it's tough no it's tough.

Speaker 1:

No, it's tough, Tony. Okay, so I think we should. I think we need to talk about you today.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, okay, and why?

Speaker 1:

why we're going to talk about you. Great, I love it. Yeah, you do, don't you? Do you need another gummy? Do you need some gummies? I did, I took two. Oh, you did, I did.

Speaker 2:

Okay, Let me be specific. They're amonita with THC. I really like them. They've helped me just kind of stay focused because I'm like I don't want to talk about me.

Speaker 1:

Have you taken any more since we experimented with them?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I, yes, I took them sometime this week because I was like cleaning.

Speaker 1:

And you really like them I do, so I think we should maybe talk about that for a second.

Speaker 2:

Okay, I melt down.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we can lead into that. Okay, we get samples a lot from a lot of companies and our job is to experiment and then let you guys know how they are. So we take our job very seriously.

Speaker 2:

And if you are watching this on a video video we currently have wigs on. We take everything super seriously.

Speaker 1:

So fucking serious.

Speaker 2:

Yes, yes, so serious. I posted a video today of me throwing up, so that's how serious we take. We're so serious, okay.

Speaker 1:

So let's get serious, but for real, though. Like we get a lot of samples, and because we take it serious, I think a lot of people like they'll reach out and be like have you tried them yet? Have you tried them yet? Have you tried them yet? And we're like no, we haven't, because we don't do this stuff all the time. But we also want to make sure that we're in the right environment, the right place, the right setting, and that doesn't happen every week.

Speaker 2:

No.

Speaker 1:

So it's like we have these samples, but we want to make sure that we're doing them respectfully and cautiously.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

And we know what we're taking. So, yeah, this company sent us some stuff and we were a little bit curious because we have heard about Amity and Muscaria. We haven't tried it. I haven't tried it. I've honestly been like not afraid to try it, but a little bit cautious and hesitant because I've heard some really negative things and I didn't want to just like pop it in, you know, and also like they're very informative. So I reached out to the guy and I was like you know, I'm unfamiliar with this substance.

Speaker 2:

I was going to pull that up.

Speaker 1:

What is this like? What does this feel like If I take it? You can pull it up, you can read it.

Speaker 2:

Well, I don't remember what that part was, but didn't they say it's kind of like, at the end of the day, when you have like a glass of wine as a way to relax? Yeah, this is like a substitute for that.

Speaker 1:

The way I read what they said was if you were to take like THC and CBD and everybody, or even Delta 9, thc and Delta 9 and how people are like Delta 9 is like the diet weed Because it's more for like helping with anxiety. Sometimes people who you know smoke weed will like get super, super anxious and high anxiety and paranoid, and this does the opposite of that. It like brings you down. Cbd does the same thing and I don't know if you guys know this, but if you ever get too high because that's happened CBD like calms you back down, which is why if I go to a dispensary I get like a one to one like. So there's equal parts THC, equal parts CBD. So I'm not like freaking out, but saying that because the way he described it I was like okay, so this is like what CBD is to THC, amonida Mascaria is to psilocybin. It's like going to calm you down and ease anxiety.

Speaker 2:

But well, let's talk about I mean, we have talked a little bit about it of, like some of the samples we've tried, things that have have had cannabis in them, and how differently I respond react to it and how differently you react to it.

Speaker 1:

If you tell me there's THC in something, I am like terrified, which is ironic because I used to have a podcast about weed. That's so funny to me. I used it to shut down. Though I used it to shut off.

Speaker 2:

You used it as an escape, so you 100% because what you do is you just sit there, and so would you do that before then too, like when you kind of all the time you would just sit there.

Speaker 1:

No, I would, just I would check out. I would literally check out. Wow, okay. It was like the way that I was able to disassociate from the shit that was happening in my life. Yeah, 100%. It quieted the thoughts that I had, but like I would just shut down. I don't do that with Jason, though, which is fucking wild.

Speaker 2:

Probably because you feel super comfortable with him to like be weird. That's because you're like you're not paranoid about what you're going to say, what you're going to do, because it's Jason.

Speaker 1:

You're probably right, and in front of other people I get really fucking weird.

Speaker 2:

I bet, if you were alone with me, I bet you'd be okay.

Speaker 1:

I know and we need to do that.

Speaker 2:

Like it was just, like we're just chilling.

Speaker 1:

Just the two of us, and we don't have anything to do.

Speaker 2:

Right, because anytime we do it, it's like we have stuff to do, or we were with people, or whatever. Or we're like just chilling and watching a movie.

Speaker 1:

Right, I think we need to experiment with that. I am a blast. You are so okay. So that's what it does to me. What does it do for you?

Speaker 2:

It helps me focus.

Speaker 1:

It does.

Speaker 2:

It does help me focus. I think with and we can go into this, I think with ADHD it's just like an influx of thoughts, so it's hard to stay on track. Sometimes it's so many things that are just going on in your head at the same time, where I feel, with THC, you are able to, I'm able to be like there's this thought and then the next one, like, do things one at a time instead of like getting thrown everything all at once and not knowing what to do with it. Right, so it does. It helps me focus If there's something like I need to do or something that I've like clean or organized those can be hard tasks for somebody with ADHD that people don't even really think about maybe, and so that does help me like stay on task and focus.

Speaker 1:

And what's interesting we've maybe talked about this before like you have, like ADHD, and I probably have ADD, but I definitely don't have the way that you have it, like I've noticed that just being around you, like I am, like you can't sit still I see that in my 11 year old. That's not me, like I can sit still and I can focus, but there's just a lot going on in my head.

Speaker 2:

And what's funny is before I knew I had ADHD. So Tony helped me with my business plan when, way long ago, when I had, was getting ready to open my gym. So that's a really great amount of time sitting at a computer, right, and he'll tell you this story. I'm in my chair, I'm upside down, like literally, with like my head upside down. You're like my kids. Yeah, I could not sit still and it's not like a like I can't do it.

Speaker 1:

You know what I mean. You're just trying so hard to like do something else. Yes, yes, because it hurts. Yes, I think it hurts?

Speaker 2:

Right, because it does. It hurts my soul. I think sometimes in school and maybe a lot of women with ADHD feel similar similarly I wasn't paying attention, I didn't know what was going on, but I sat still because I had enough awareness to be like, okay, if you do this, you're like going to get in trouble, right, like that kind of thing. So I would just kind of just be in my own world.

Speaker 1:

Interesting Internally, you were hyper.

Speaker 2:

Yes, like squirrel, what am I going to do today? Practic, like wonder what we're going to have for lunch. Yeah, just, it's hard, you know, it was hard for me to just sit there and listen. Hard for me to just sit there and read a book, especially on something that I'm not interested in If I don't like it, because if it's something I am interested in and I do find appealing, I can be very hyper fixated on it. So, it's like one or the other kind of a thing. So, yes, something like cleaning a closet, doing the dishes, that is not of interest to me. It helps my like and I feel like somebody with ADHD is a giant oxymoron.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yes, and so it's hard. You like, you don't do well with routine, but routine really like. You really thrive in routine? Yes, you don't. You're not good at organizing, but an organized space really helps you thrive.

Speaker 2:

Yep.

Speaker 1:

Wow.

Speaker 2:

Yep, yeah, I feel like there's. There's a lot of oxymorons. I love aesthetically pleasing things. Yeah, I have had this. I have been stressed out about my closet for two years and have struggled on just where to start with it. Yeah, but then I can go and decorate a short-term rental house and decorate the entire house in a week.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's wild to me. It's not because I feel like you know me better than a lot of people know me and you would think that, like I've, everything has its place because of what you see on a video. Yeah, what do you see on the opposite side? Shit, chaos. It's chaos.

Speaker 2:

Like I have areas of calm, yeah, but that's like, I don't like other people's and not you, not your house, but in my house I don't like other people's mess, but I have mess, but it's organized mess. I know where my stuff is.

Speaker 1:

That's kind of how I am.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. Like my desk back there is like an organized mess, me and ADD, ADHD.

Speaker 1:

they have my desk, I think so. I wish that I was more organized and I wish that things had their place. I also think that's impossible with kids. There have been times I have spent an entire weekend organizing our pantry, bought bins, this is where the snacks go, this is where this goes, and literally within days, everything was back to normal. And I'm like I don't want to put my energy into making this right every day and I also don't want pat that wig. Pat that wig. I don't want my kids to feel like they have to be, like I don't want to be militant about it. Like put that back where it belongs, and so I struggle with that. So, yeah, my house is very lived in. I wish it was more organized, but I sometimes wish I just lived alone. I feel like if I lived alone. Do you ever think that, like if I lived alone, it would be clean and organized?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but I've lived alone and that didn't happen.

Speaker 1:

I've never lived alone.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I highly recommend it, not saying that you really can now being married with three kids, right.

Speaker 1:

That's the dream.

Speaker 2:

But yes, living alone, yeah, it's still messy.

Speaker 1:

You were still messy. Yeah, see, that's what I mean. I'm like I would think I've said this to my husband. I'm like if I lived alone, my house would be clean all the time and it would be organized. And he's like, yeah, I'd love to see that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I don't believe you in. Neither does he Wishful thinking, though, but you know those moms who you like. Drop your kid off at carpool and you're just like looking like a hot mess. Just put yourself together and they're always like put together from head to toe, like. Their hair always looks good, like in that way I always wished I could like their clothes always look good, like everything, look never, never me. It is like I am gonna get dressed up and look nice or I'm gonna look like a sack of shit.

Speaker 1:

I always pick sack of shit.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and usually it's sack of shit and it's, but here like I'll get ready, but on like yesterday, no, I looked like a sack of shit.

Speaker 1:

I bet you didn't. But I know what you're saying. Yes, like I know what you're saying. I did, though. No, I see moms like that and nothing against it Like I, just I used to be one of those moms.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you did.

Speaker 1:

I used to be one of those moms, so I see right through it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and that's what I mean. Like I don't wanna say, and I'm just talking about like the surface, like that's what I mean.

Speaker 1:

Yes, like I was, I have been to the country clubs where the moms come to the pools with their kids and they've got full hair and makeup and jewelry and outfits on and wedges and I'm like that's not real. That's not real. Like it's one thing to wanna look cute and like, but like it's the middle of the day, you're, we're with our kids, we're all like getting in the water. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's too much for me.

Speaker 1:

And I was never like that, but I was that person who, like, made sure that the person that people saw me as, like, perceived me as, was put together had the hair, had the makeup, had the clothes, had the perfect everything. I was dying inside. Yeah, so that's what I mean. Like I see right through it.

Speaker 2:

Sure, sure, sure, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Like it's too perfect to a point where I'm like that's not real.

Speaker 2:

Okay, that's good. Okay, that's good perspective, that's a good way to think about it.

Speaker 1:

Well, I also think, if you look at people like that and you like are hoping to achieve that or hoping I wish I was like that, like, just know, like there's not, there's more to it than that you know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's, very true. Okay, so I embrace, looking like a disheveled devil.

Speaker 1:

Same. I go to the grocery store in my pajamas. I don't even give a fuck anymore. I almost went from like one extreme to the other. I feel like I really did. That's okay, though. I think that's okay. That's good. Anyway, squirrel back to the story. We took these gummies Monday, then had THC in them, but only like three milligrams. You took two, but what happened with you?

Speaker 2:

I didn't take those Monday, I took some pills, so we went upstairs because we started to eat lunch and at that moment is when I kind of just started. It's almost like you know when your shoulders are lifted and then you can just drop them and like, if you're doing a workout class, the instructor's like relax your shoulders. And you're like oh yeah, wasn't even thinking about it. Oh my God, that's how I felt.

Speaker 1:

Oh my God, that is how.

Speaker 2:

THC feels for me. That is such a great description. Yeah, I didn't even realize my shoulders were tense. Oh, just relax them. So that's how I felt and I don't even remember what we were talking about. But also, when I take THC, I'm much more. I feel like I'm always insightful. Not always that sounds. I'm not trying to like. You know what I mean it's pretty insightful. I try to be insightful, but I feel like when I am on THC I am able to translate my insight better, If that makes sense.

Speaker 1:

That makes sense to me.

Speaker 2:

Whatever is going on in my head that I'm thinking I'm able to say it in a way that's, I feel like I go deeper, like it's easier to articulate, it's easier to talk. It's easier to relax, focus on one thing at a time and, like keep the conversation going about that one topic, not talk about this, then go to that, then go back to that if that makes sense.

Speaker 1:

It makes a lot of sense. It makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 2:

I would love to have somebody on who knows more about THC and how it can help people who have ADHD with focus. Yeah, cause I feel like this is something that I'm just now putting together. So one of the things that I think I told you was that before I knew that I had ADHD and I don't know if other ADHDers feel this way, especially when you, like, found out much later on in life, when you're an adult I felt like I had all of these separate issues. So I felt like I had an anger issue. I think a lot of people see me as somebody who is like, confident and badass and very strong, and although, like, I do think that I am those things in a lot of ways, I'm also not a lot of those things in a lot of ways, and sometimes people with ADHD, they're very good maskers Maskers I think I'm saying that right, but I didn't even necessarily realize that I was masking who I authentically am or things that I struggle with. I just go out and put on a good face and kind of mirror whoever I was being around. Which is masking. Which is masking? Yes, yes, yeah, but you know that part, the anger part, the struggling with like hyperactivity and not being able to sit still when you're supposed to focus the lack of focus. I read something, and by reading I read it on Instagram from the doctor that I follow who has ADHD. I'm just gonna throw that out there.

Speaker 1:

By reading. This is what I meant by reading this is.

Speaker 2:

Let me break it out. I'm out of time to read how long time to read, but she has ADHD and she said that by the age of 12, kids with ADHD have around 20,000 more negative thoughts than the average child. Wow, because it's such a high, like there's so much happening in your head that people don't even realize that is necessarily happening. And then also the frustration of maybe not understanding why your brain is different, realizing you're different, realizing that there are these things that you struggle with, but not understanding that they kind of all go together. They're just symptoms of this one thing. Like I have some OCD things with hygiene. If I like a song, I like being in the car alone because I get to listen to that song over and, over, and, over and over again until I can't listen to it anymore. Wow, I can't believe I'm admitting all this.

Speaker 1:

No, I think it's really good because I feel like a lot of people can relate to this, and hearing you say these things I'm like and this is how I know I don't have ADHD. Yeah, I listen to new music Friday almost religiously, every Friday, until I've gone through the whole playlist.

Speaker 2:

I don't like listening to the same stuff, so when we went to the Rufus concert yeah, still haven't told you this, that's like Leah's favorite band. I know some of their, I knew some of their shit. But then when we went to their concert I was like wow, okay, these guys are really cool.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

Yeah it's like you have to be there. You do have to be there. And when we were there and I heard treat you better like I liked it on the radio, but when I actually experienced it at a concert, I was like I'm like just so obsessed with how I feel in this moment and you know we were on mushrooms how I feel in this moment, this song, the words, all of it, and I know that's like one of your favorite songs, it's yeah. So I'm not trying to steal.

Speaker 1:

I swear, I'm getting like THO right now, because we're talking about my favorite song.

Speaker 2:

I swear, but it's one of those things where, like you, like, I just like felt it. Yes. So every time I'm in the car and I'm listening to music, that's I have like three songs right now. They just play over and over and over again until treat you better gets off that track and the other songs get, and then new songs come in. That's how I listen to music. So I don't like to listen to music with people. Wow. Because, of my friends.

Speaker 1:

And I'm not saying wow, like wow, that's weird. I'm just like this is so interesting, like getting like a sneak peek into how you operate.

Speaker 2:

But because of that there is a lot of shame and guilt and kind of embarrassment that comes with that, Because you know everyday things may be harder for you, or there's so many thoughts that at the end of the day like your brain legit gets tired Because it never ends.

Speaker 1:

You're just emotionally exhausted.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and the other thing too is, because of all those symptoms, working on trying to regulate yourself and then also having a child who I'm almost positive granted he's four, but almost positive has ADHD as well. So it's already hard enough to like just learn this about yourself, yeah, and now you're trying to regulate somebody else and I actually do a pretty good job, but then at the end of the day I'm like, oh my God, like it's so much, but it's something that I don't ever talk about, yeah, ever. Yeah, so Tony is just now learning those things. I have kind of always said like I think I have ADHD, you know what I mean, or I don't know. Like I say things and I'm very good at like joking at things at my own expense Right, I did that with dad stuff. Right, I would make jokes about it, but truly talking about it and going deep with certain things I don't really, and so I don't with you sometimes.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you don't, so we talked about that. Yeah, yeah, let's talk about that. Well, it's interesting because I do.

Speaker 2:

It's not you, it's a lot of people.

Speaker 1:

And I said that to you like Monday. You really opened up about a lot of things that you were struggling with and here I am like feeling like a shitty friend because I'm like I didn't know any of this.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I had a little bit of a meant to be over. Well, meant to be a little meant to be over the weekend over the closet.

Speaker 1:

I'm not laughing at you. It's just, it's just wild how much you. It's wild knowing how much you actually mask. And it's not to say you're not authentic, because that's not it at all, but I just you're very good at focusing on other people.

Speaker 2:

That's why I'm a good interviewer.

Speaker 1:

You're a great interviewer.

Speaker 2:

So here's the thing with that. I am authentically curious about other people. I genuinely love learning about other people.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

I love learning. You know what people do, why they do it, how they work. Like I like that psychology and you know I think I'm very good at reading people in that way, but when the spotlight's on you. There's just a protective guard there. Yeah, so I am. You know, I genuinely love people. I love talking to people. I do love going deep, I do love hearing about people's lives and their stories. It's just nothing, not a knock on anybody. It just takes me really a long time to even feel and I genuinely I think it's subconscious, I'm not consciously doing it Right, but I'm making these things more conscious now that I'm aware of them.

Speaker 1:

Well, that's how you heal. You make the unconscious conscious.

Speaker 2:

Right, yep, yep, and we talk about that, and so I am becoming more conscious of, maybe, why I do that, and I think it just takes me a long time to feel truly safe. Not that anyone is not making me feel safe.

Speaker 1:

Right.

Speaker 2:

It's just a protective mask that I have, and also on top of that I am working on leaning into my feminine and soft era.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

But that takes time and that takes practice and it's harder for me to be vulnerable about me. I like being vulnerable and talking about deep things and things that require a lot of compassion, but sometimes I think with ADHD there is a lot of negative self-talk and it's towards myself and I then don't feel like people are going to want to hear that deep.

Speaker 1:

So this is I'm realizing something. As you're saying this, I know you guys are probably still waiting on the ketamine talk. We haven't really had a ketamine talk yet. Before I did my ketamine treatments, you were like my hype girl. You got to stop being so afraid and I had a block. There was a mental block there that I was working on and you're behind the scenes being my cheerleader. You got to believe in yourself and I'm having imposter syndrome. And you're like no, and then I work through that block and I come out on the other end and I'm like, fuck, yeah, let's go. And then you're like but what about me? Like you're struggling with imposter syndrome. And I was like, bitch, this was your idea, not really, but I was just kind of shocked that that was also something you struggled with, because you were so good at hyping me up that I didn't realize you needed to be hyped up too.

Speaker 2:

Well, great question. I don't know if it's a question, but great observation Observation. I have always, in my friend group, been like the strong, tough one, yeah, and so I've always always been incredibly loyal to yeah, and oftentimes that has been to a fault.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

I will defend, go to bat for people, but then oftentimes I feel like they are not, would not defend or go to bat for me. There's been times where I've brought up really hard topics, like I've brought up a Topic of racism to my friend and it did not go the way that I wanted it to go. She didn't hear me. And then I also brought up, reached out to a friend and told her that I was actually really struggling and Really struggling with Kai, and she never reached out. So I Told you I was not gonna cry in a wig it makes it less hard. Yeah, you're right, cuz I'm like don't do it. But I think sometimes that it's it's great to have that like cheerleader hype girl strong, you know, but Baddies get saddies too. Even baddies get saddies even baddies get saddies and Oftentimes in friendships I don't feel like the hype girl. Loyalty is always reciprocated reciprocated. So sometimes then, when I meet new people, I don't even go there. Yeah, because, like it's just, sometimes it's. I feel like it's like you got this, like Whatever. So it's something I'm very much so struggled with. Again, baddies get saddies too.

Speaker 1:

I, I want to be your hype girl. You are my high girl.

Speaker 2:

I'm just saying what I'm saying it was just a shock to me it's harder to open up because of those experiences or because people have made those assumptions about you right, because oftentimes when people meet me they're intimidated, they're or they just think like I've just you know I'm strong and that's the only. But it's Duality. Yes, I can be really tough and whatever, but I also can be really sensitive and really soft and a total titty baby Like I'm. I'm not just this thing, I'm very complex, I will be the first to admit it. Very complex, and I just don't think that sometimes I show and or people see maybe the deeper, softer, maybe she needs nurture and love and Hyped up to right, but I think what you're saying is is universal.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like we're all complex, right, and whether you Want to admit it or not, you know we just did those posts this week about the hero's journey and the heroine's journey and how they're very different and how it's not gender specific and how when we say feminine and masculine, we don't mean female and male. I think it's wild how you and I came together, because We've talked about this like you're very, very in your masculine and your goal is to like work on that feminine soft side, and I was very in my fucking feminine and my goal has been to embrace this more masculine tough side and I want hard and but, and but.

Speaker 2:

Then, on that end, when I see you, and I see you, let's say not advocating for yourself or not, you know Using your body. Yeah, or being tough. I'm like there's this, You're right, but there's this like not a fight response, but there is this like protectiveness over you, where I'm like no bitch, Like you are tough and you are gonna do like you know. I just don't always do that to myself.

Speaker 1:

I really believe that about you right, and there are moments where yeah.

Speaker 2:

I am tough but, then there are moments where I'm like I'm not that tough Really not, you know, and I, who was it? And I'm not that soft, you're right. You're right, was it?

Speaker 1:

Vanderpump rules.

Speaker 2:

Oh god Lala was talking about, because she is somebody who's not just this wallflower, oh yeah, and she is outspoken and she can defend herself. That then people then have this like. Assumption that that means she's like a void of feelings, right, or void of like being sad or getting hurt or being sensitive, right, and I feel very much so that way sometimes, yeah, a lot, a lot of the time, and I know that. Some of it is mine too, like I have to show up softer as well for people to see it. So even masquies get saddies Masculine's. I tried to use that word.

Speaker 1:

It didn't work very well, not good, not at all, but I think that that's like the journey of like realizing that we are all these complex human beings and we all, like you know, it's like you see these. I've said this, I've seen this before and I wish I had the balls to say something like this to someone. But when someone is like really angry and hurting me I don't know Really angry and hurting, you like for you to look at them and say, like who hurt you? Yeah, because that's the truth.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, like when you see someone who was just this angry, hard shell of a person, they are also hurting right, right, they just don't want you to see that right, right, yeah, which kind of what we were talking about earlier with, like social media, yeah, and, I think, a great example. Let's just go back to Vanderpump rules, I know, and most people don't even know this, okay, but there's a guy on there who cheated on his girlfriend of 10 years, yes, with one of her best friends. Yes, so fucked up. Right, he is very wrong in that situation, not, okay. The thing that I struggle with about kind of the world that we live in is because he's wrong. He deserves to get like, attacked or treated like. He's not even a human being, right, not saying that people should hang out with him, not saying people should condone his behavior. His behavior was absolutely abhorrent. I do think he's a narcissist. I do think he's not a great person and he has some healing to do. Because he damages other people, right, but like is the answer because someone's damaged, to then Further damage them? Further damage them by, like, telling them that they're a piece of shit, telling them that they should kill themselves, telling them that, like, they deserve bad things in their life? Because I'm like, isn't karma probably already gonna happen to them? Right, because somebody who is in that much pain or sorry, somebody who is causing that much pain to other people, right, without even a thought, is because they're in so much pain themselves, right? So I really struggle with like the world we live in. Because somebody's wrong, we harass them over the internet.

Speaker 1:

Right. I don't like that it's like I'm all for Time to be.

Speaker 2:

I'm all for, like advocating for yourself, saying boundaries, like stepping in when something is wrong, right, but these are all grown adults who we truly don't know. We're watching this play out on a television show and, again, that is not a happy person moving in the world. Right, stay away from those people. But I just don't think the answer is to then retaliate back with more hate.

Speaker 1:

I honestly feel like that makes them worse.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we live in this very black and white world right now and I used to be a very black and white person, yeah when it's like they did something, they're wrong, they're a bad person. And then healing, realizing you've done bad things too Right. You did bad things because you were hurting. You did bad things because you didn't have the right tools. You did bad things because you didn't grow up in the right environment and you get, you know, taught how to cope in certain situations. So I really struggle with like being right.

Speaker 1:

It like on the right side is like Well or just like we've all, and this is true for anyone. And if you can sit here and say that's not true for me, you're probably a narcissist. But, like for, I think it's a true statement that we've all been the villain in someone's story. Yes, and if you think that you have not, you might want to take a closer look at maybe some of the people in your life.

Speaker 2:

And also deservingly the villain, right, right, not just the villain I have to, not just, oh my god, so me too. So many times I, like I said, I will be the first to admit that I was angry because of things that happened to me and I projected that anger onto other people, right, and that was not okay. Did I not have the right tools and and I've, you know, worked and healed myself? But you know, I've said I've, I've reached out to certain people and have apologized because I know that that behavior was wrong and I was just hurting and hurting somebody else because I was hurt, right. But I think about if I were to be on TV during that time, jesus Christ, you would get eviscerated.

Speaker 1:

You would have been eviscerated.

Speaker 2:

I almost was on the real world.

Speaker 1:

I love this.

Speaker 2:

I was living in California and I was like you know what I'm just gonna fucking apply. Like I'm single, I'm living in Southern California. I feel like I have a good story. They always take like one token, like brown or black person or like a couple for diversity, right, right. And like I've got to meet the quota yeah, no one from the Marshall Islands has been on this shit before. Like interesting childhood story, moved to the state. Like I was like badass. Yeah, young, drink too much. What could go wrong? Right. You sound perfect for the job, young drink way too much blackout when I drink constantly, puke my guts out and have a lot of childhood trauma. What could go wrong? Right, right. So I ended up applying and I ended up getting a meeting in Los Angeles with, like the producers and I was like, fuck yeah, I made it Hose, like cause, all I ever wanted to just make money being myself, oh my God. And I was like this is it? Peace out, motherfuckers. Like I love whatever, I'm too good for you. Two days before the accident I get, or before my interview, I get in a car accident, get t-boned, get a concussion, wreck my car, go to the hospital, and so I don't go. And at that time I'm like there's my fucking shot. There it is, it's done like whatever. I was super disappointed.

Speaker 1:

And now If that wasn't a redirection, I don't know what else.

Speaker 2:

Let's say I would have gone down that road. And I'm still on reality TV a decade later or a public figure or whatever Right right, living in a time now where everything I do is getting judged, ridiculed, whatever. And not only that, but then I have social media where people are commenting on my posts. People are DMing me privately to tell me how big of a piece of shit I am Right and how that would again not saying the actions I've made, the words I've used would be right. I'm sure I'd fuck up plenty on being on national television, but that Especially like the way you were then. Oh, I was feral as fuck. I've broken two girls' noses because they fucked with me.

Speaker 1:

You would have been Like I would have gotten you would have gotten the ratings.

Speaker 2:

To be honest, I would have gotten, would have gone to jail, and I'm a menace when I drink. Oh my God, funny, funny, until it's not, oh my God, throwing up or getting in a fight, yeah. But I think about maybe people not realizing that I have feelings and I'm incredibly sensitive and I'm also incredibly empathetic, being on TV and people like the world hating me it's hard to come back from that.

Speaker 1:

I think it's really hard, especially in today's world, for anyone to come back from that, which is wild to me, because not on TV you see people growing and evolving all the time. Like I've done it, you've done it. I'm not the same person I was a year ago or two years ago or five years ago. That person is embarrassing to me now and shouldn't be. But like you know what I mean. Like I'm like oh my God, if you saw-. God, I don't even think that way. A play by play. I don't do those things anymore. I don't act that way anymore. But like, imagine being in the public eye because people don't see the evolution or they don't wanna see it or they don't believe it.

Speaker 2:

Right, I think about, like Justin Bieber, miley Cyrus and how, let's say Miley Cyrus, perfect example, disney star, hannah Montana. We see her in this certain light, so if she strays anything outside of that, she's wrong. So, then she gets into like teenage years, young adult years, and she starts which we all did Experimenting with alcohol, drugs, boys, girls In the public eye. Cutting her hair, wearing less clothes, doing all these things and people, myself included, yeah, go crazy and are so like oh my, who does she think she is? And blah, blah, blah, blah. And again, not saying that what she's doing is to, like, get attention. It's somebody who's her, it's somebody who's, you know, maybe struggling with substances, I don't know. But to think the answer to somebody not agree, like us not agreeing to somebody is to answer back with more hate is like the more the older I get, the more I heal. It's a pretty wild concept and that's just super normalized in our society.

Speaker 1:

It's not, I don't think. I think social media is getting worse with that type of stuff. The THC has kicked in, has it now?

Speaker 2:

Has it now. It has for a little bit Okay all right, all right.

Speaker 1:

That's just why, like, you're so good at like yeah, that's why I'm going deep into this. You are totally going deep in it. Okay, well, let's go a step deeper.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

We don't do political posts.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:

We don't talk about current events on our platform and there is a reason for that and it is because of what you're saying right now. Yeah, there is. We really want to bring positive stuff to our platform and humanness to our platform and hope to our platform, and talking about anything current events is too. I don't want to say it is too heavy. First off, it's heavy Like it's not that we're not aware of what's happening in the world right now, but also seeing anyone post in the past couple of weeks and watching them get eviscerated in the comment section because of what they said, and it doesn't matter what side they're on or how innocent it is. It is hard to watch and I don't want to be that. I don't want to bring that type of negativity. I don't want to bring that type of division. I don't want to put myself in the middle of a crossfire like that and I struggle also because there's this like well, if you're silent, you're part of the problem. There's that whole thing, you know.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

I don't agree with that anymore. I think I used to think that, right, and now I feel like well, if you're not silent, though, you're creating more division, and it's really hard to watch.

Speaker 2:

Well, maybe elaborate that on that, because, let's say, just because someone is silent on social media right doesn't mean that they're not doing things in the world, doing things in their home, still have certain beliefs and still stand by certain beliefs and maybe condemn injustice, but just like a social media post isn't going to do anything.

Speaker 1:

Well, do you remember? I really want to spread awareness.

Speaker 2:

Right and all of that, but also people have to protect their own mental health, do you?

Speaker 1:

remember Taylor Swift getting. You haven't watched her documentary yet but I think you should watch her documentary because she talks about how like she was silent about things. And then, because she was silent, she was like getting attacked, because they were like well, taylor Swift hasn't spoke out against this. And then she was like her manager is like but if you do, then you're going to lose. You're going to lose fans and you're going to get all. You're going to create all this controversy and it's just like you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

And it just really sucks.

Speaker 2:

Well, and I think, in certain times where maybe certain things that are happening in the world, I think reaching out to maybe the people that you know, who you really love and care for, who you know are greatly affected by it, right To make sure that they're okay, right, I think those types of things are important. I think again, like working on healing yourself, healing your home, healing your community, healing those around you.

Speaker 1:

I just wanted to bring that up because we're on this subject of like social media and how much-.

Speaker 2:

Oh, so I want to bring up this post.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I would just want to read it to you and it's just some food for thought. Okay, if you are wondering why there are still wars and hate in the world, just go read a comment section. Comment sections where people who claim to be against war and violence verbally attack and persecute strangers on the internet for writing words on a screen them. Why is there so much suffering in the world? I want world peace, but also them. You wrote some words I don't agree with. People like you are disgusting and you don't deserve to live. You expect humans, who are living with horrific intergenerational trauma, not ever having their basic needs met and are under constant threats to their existence, to cease fire, forgive and find peace, all the while you cannot even speak respectfully to a stranger on the internet in the comfort of your own home. This overwhelming irony reveals how traumatized all of humanity is. Holy shit. Once upon a time, in the age of social media, there were people all over the world having their morning coffee in the safety of their homes whilst hating and harassing each other over words on a screen on the internet, and they all wondered why there are so much suffering in the world. And once they finally learned that the powers that shouldn't be could only wage wars. As long as good people had so much anger and hate in their hearts, they focused on healing themselves instead of persecuting others, and the people of the world lived happily ever after.

Speaker 1:

So the takeaway from that and we have said this in episodes before, not particularly speaking on this subject, but we have said this before. We have said this before the best thing that I can do for the world, for my family, for the people I love and for myself is to work on myself and let that shine.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

It's the best thing any of us can do and that's really hard to do sometimes because it's like in your face. I get that but the best thing you can do for anybody or anybody in the world or anything around you, is to focus on your own healing.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, some of our trolls are so funny to me because it's you are making a judgment on a person and you watched their 10-second TikTok and you think you know them, right, and you think you even know, maybe, about psychedelics. You're making this judgment against somebody you don't know about, a subject you have no idea about, but you're condemning them as wrong, right.

Speaker 1:

It's like the irony of it, it's wild. And it's wild because we've never I've never had a platform where I've had trolls before.

Speaker 2:

Oh it's so yeah.

Speaker 1:

And the first time it happened was like hard. But one of them one time was just like literally all he said was like mushrooms are poisonous and I wanted to be like really like Portobella was in, like baby Bella mushrooms and like lions, Like really all mushrooms are poisonous.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for your insight. At five, four, three, two kiss my ass. I mean, I posted a story. I just reposted a story of a podcast interview not even our podcast where it was talking about how important it is to eat like holistic, whole foods, yeah, and I got a hate message from someone who I know and it was like, oh okay, well, what about these people? And I'm like, again for you to take, there's so much context that we're missing here. Right, right, right, right. But yes, as a whole, I do believe people should eat this way. I also understand and know that not everyone has the resources. And I had to quickly remind her that I came from one of those countries who did not really have access to all of those things all the time. So, like, okay.

Speaker 1:

It's just hard, because I'd see people doing this all the time and like attacking people on the internet, Like if they don't agree with you or if they think that what you're posting is like wrong. It's just like why can't we just stay in our lane?

Speaker 2:

Or or or or. If you are not sure or you don't think you agree with something, what about being open to a respectful conversation where you allow the other person to talk, they allow you to talk and you don't have to end it with a green, but you can actually talk and communicate instead of making assumptions and stereotyping.

Speaker 1:

Have you ever seen that show preview? And it's not in the US, but I can't wait. I either want it to be here or I'm gonna sort of seek this out. But they put two people on a couch sitting next to each other, or in chairs the way that you and I are right now who are completely opposite. There will be like someone who is a person of color and someone who is a racist.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

Sitting next to each other, or someone who is hates homosexuals and then someone who is gay on the other side.

Speaker 2:

Someone who's trans feel like someone who's trans yeah.

Speaker 1:

So they put these opposing people sitting next to each other and then, like the first part of the show, they're like just like going at it, like back and forth, and then they give them mushrooms.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, because both sides Right. Whether you are adamant, you're right. Both sides can't put their egos down and hear each other.

Speaker 1:

Right. So after the mushrooms they end up having these like really meaningful conversations and also realizing that they have more in common and more similarities than what they thought. Right, right. So I find that in real life sometimes it's always in real life Not even sometimes I find it a lot, because you find people and you're like no, no, no, we're saying the same thing, right, like we're saying the same thing. You're hearing me different, but like I agree with what you're saying, I'm just saying it in a different way.

Speaker 2:

So back to politics, yeah, yeah. So there's two sides. It's meant to be divisive, in my opinion. Yeah, it's meant to be divisive, and this side thinks they're right and this side is adamant that they're right to, and then they just point fingers and project onto the other, maybe not realizing that if we were more united, more loving, more compassionate to people that we didn't understand and didn't agree with, that'd be a pretty unstoppable force, if you ask me. I feel like we're pointing our finger to the wrong people instead of the people that are actually in power. But what do I know? What do you know?

Speaker 1:

What do we know?

Speaker 2:

What do I know? We are just dummies who take drugs and wear wigs.

Speaker 1:

Right, we just do mushrooms too much. It's wild too, because that like the guy who kind of went viral over the summer, all over, I can't remember. Yeah, thomas, all over, thomas, yeah, that sounds right All over, anthony, anthony.

Speaker 2:

All over, anthony.

Speaker 1:

Who wrote that song about? Like Richmond over Richmond.

Speaker 2:

Democrats wanted it and Republicans wanted it.

Speaker 1:

Everybody related to that song and then when you found out that, like the other side related to it, you were like what? That's not what he's talking about and it's like, oh my God, and he even talks about it. He was just like it wasn't one side or the other, it was human, it was the side of humanity, it wasn't left and it wasn't right, like I think he got mad because somebody used it for like a political party, like yeah, and he was like that. And he was like no, you're missing the point of the song. It's like the Barbie movie.

Speaker 2:

You don't like. It went over your head, it went over your head. It went over your head because it was for men and women.

Speaker 1:

It's for both sides. Yeah, okay, that post is wild. Yeah, I'm talking about it.

Speaker 2:

All right, let's, let's, let's spice her up and laugh a little bit.

Speaker 1:

Okay, what are we laughing at?

Speaker 2:

I want to play that game.

Speaker 1:

Oh, okay, all right, you done, getting in your feels.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I feel good.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

I did not want to cries with the wigs.

Speaker 1:

Moral of that story is we really liked these gummies.

Speaker 2:

Back to that. Yeah, moral of the story is I have ADHD. It's a squirrel and we're human, but truly, if somebody who can talk about ADHD and cannabis come on, would love that.

Speaker 1:

So there is someone I've been listening to a podcast series, oh cool, who talks. He talks briefly about ADHD and why cannabis works.

Speaker 2:

I know we need to get him on, but that might be hard.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but I really love the way he describes it and he explains it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, refresh. What does he say?

Speaker 1:

Well, his name is Paul Conti and right now he's doing a four part series with Andrew Huberman on the Huberman podcast, but one of the first episodes he did last year he briefly talks about how he can see how it works for people who struggle with ADHD, because it allows them to focus on one thing rather than all the other things that are happening around them. And, yeah, I would love to have someone on who can like explain that, because and I do want to talk on this for just a second, because we've said this before I think we said this Monday, when we were sitting in this floor having this heart to heart conversation, for someone like me who used to do it all the time to escape and had a podcast about it and then started my healing journey. I don't smoke as much and I don't smoke at all anymore.

Speaker 2:

And I said you were a little anti.

Speaker 1:

I don't even want to say anti, but just like I don't need it. I don't need it anymore, but I have I've. I used it for a different reason.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

I used it as an escape. I still, every now and then, will enjoy a gummy. I still every now and then will smoke. I don't enjoy it the way that I used to, because I used to use it for something different. Like the intention behind it was completely, completely different. Even though I'm still like pro weed, like I'm like, I don't think it should be.

Speaker 2:

And I think a lot of people use it with that intention.

Speaker 1:

The way that I was using it. Yeah 100%, yeah 100%. My first mushroom journey. It was kind of like I was just like I don't see the point. I'm not trying to escape anything anymore, like I don't. Really I didn't find it useful in my life anymore the way that I used it before. And then you said after every time you do a mushroom journey you need it less.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but that doesn't last forever, right.

Speaker 1:

Like even the mushroom journey doesn't last forever.

Speaker 2:

Well, but it's just also. I think just life happens and those day to day things happen.

Speaker 1:

That's what you were saying. Yes, life happens after a mushroom journey, right?

Speaker 2:

Right, and so I think after a mushroom journey, my brain is so clear.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

So so clear.

Speaker 1:

While you're in the mushroom cloud.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I'm on this mushroom cloud and then I go back to regular life and certain people and energies and a lot of chaos and busyness and still have to organize that. You know what I mean. Like those things and it comes, it's like it. The ADHD is never going to go away. Right, I cope with it much better, but you know certain symptoms are still very much so there.

Speaker 1:

But you've always been intentional with.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Gummies and cannabis.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I've never, ever felt like a dependency on it or like you were using it to escape or I was using it to escape. I use it to be actually the complete opposite. I use it to be very intentional.

Speaker 1:

To be like focused on something. Yeah. To be focused on something Like you do, I do and I don't anymore.

Speaker 2:

I never use it for that it's so funny because a lot of times when people are like, oh you know, can I try the edible or whatever? And they take it and they're like my heart is a racing. I have so much anxiety and I'm like I could clean someone's home right now.

Speaker 1:

But I also think, in knowing that and knowing the way that it works with you and seeing what it does for me and I am like I can see how this is a medicine and not a drug. I truly can.

Speaker 2:

Well, and also when you guys are going throughout the day regularly, I'm like damn, y'all are awesome, keep go, you keep going. Who? People who don't have ADHD, who do it every day.

Speaker 1:

Oh, you get your like when you're just going through the day.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, existing, I'm like yeah, go you, yes, but with your bad self doing things I can only dream of doing. But I will take this gummy later, so I can do it.

Speaker 1:

You're not wrong. I just I really think that, just knowing these things about you and the way that it works for me, I just think there needs to be more emphasis on the fact that this is a medicine.

Speaker 2:

Yes, yes.

Speaker 1:

And it is going to work with different people in different ways.

Speaker 2:

And if people think I'm just, you know they think differently. Well, second, I'm just okay. Okay, that's fine, it's fine.

Speaker 1:

All right. So we we are going to do a few, just to like end this on a happy note. Oh, my God, we didn't even talk about your fucking breath work. Oh, it's fine. Okay, we'll do another episode on that, because that'll go deep. We go first. We go first. Yeah, I want to pick one. If animals could talk, which would be the rudest Cats. I was good.

Speaker 2:

That's what I was going to say. Cats would be so mean. Did you know that, like if you die and you have a cat or you have a dog a dog they're going to, like they're going to sit by there. They're not going to do anything until like it's like dire need, like they need to eat usually Cats, they'll eat you like super quickly and the first thing that they're going to eat is they're going to eat off your nose. Just want to show you guys.

Speaker 1:

No, we have a cat. We've never had a dog and I said this to my 11 year old and he was like so I'd be dead. Why would I care? Like the, literally what I'm like you're not wrong. You're not wrong, but like still, that's like real fucked up to think that like the first thing our cat would do would eat our face.

Speaker 2:

Okay, are you ready for this? I'm scared. Okay, if our podcast were turned into a comedy TV show, what actor would play you and why?

Speaker 1:

Damn, you expected me to answer that. What actress would play me, and why, if we were turned into a TV show? Oh my God, this is like a really on the spot question.

Speaker 2:

Sorry.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2:

I feel like you would be like a, like a. It would be like a. Jennifer Lawrence yes.

Speaker 1:

Because she's she's not funny on purpose.

Speaker 2:

She is kind of, but she's like, but she's awkward In real life. She's socially awkward. Her funny is like she's going to fall at the Oscars.

Speaker 1:

That's me, okay, thank you, you're welcome. You just answered my question, cause I'm like in my head I'm thinking like who's on SNL. But no, they're trying to be funny.

Speaker 2:

You should watch that new movie with her.

Speaker 1:

Which one?

Speaker 2:

I don't know. She's like getting paid to be like.

Speaker 1:

Oh, the tutor or something.

Speaker 2:

Date, date, date, like it'd be interested in this guy. Okay, she's hilarious.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I love her. Yeah, that's a good one. Thank you for answering the floor. You're welcome. Okay, my turn. What is the most useless talent you have?

Speaker 2:

Probably my impersonations.

Speaker 1:

You are so good at those.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, probably I can impersonate people and I don't, I just do it to like you and Tony at home You're really good at it.

Speaker 1:

You're like freakishly good at it. I asked you to like do an impersonation of Jason once and you were like I need to like watch him talk a few more times before I can do that.

Speaker 2:

And you're you do him really well, but he is, he is like a side, he's like a side mouth talker and he like I can't get his like the diction of his voice. Is that the word Infliction?

Speaker 1:

Infliction.

Speaker 2:

I have to practice it more.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so don't put you on the spot right now.

Speaker 2:

I mean, I'm trying to think of Do my cry. Well, you just like you start to, you keep swallowing and then you like, move your. Like you blink incessantly and then you like, like, move your lips around. I can do an impression I don't know what that is I can do an impression of like Tom Sandvall I know I keep bringing up hand or phone rules Do it.

Speaker 1:

This is one of your hyper fixations, so let me see your Tom Sandvall.

Speaker 2:

Now I feel like so on this spot. Hey guys, like what's up, bro, like I'm Tom Sandvall and I talk like this, my band like Tom's what is it? Tom and the most Tom's and the most extras, or whatever. I'm a fucking douche. No, I'm just kidding.

Speaker 1:

You called me Tom Sandvall was, yeah, like a couple weeks ago, when we were doing our photo shoot, you were like oh my God, you're Sandvall.

Speaker 2:

Oh, because you bring so much unnecessary shit we didn't.

Speaker 1:

I didn't know what we were going to do.

Speaker 2:

And you have, like you, you have the, what is it called the light galaxy lights. You have galaxy lights. It's very Tom Sandvall, I'm just saying for the.

Speaker 1:

for the record, I hadn't even watched Vanderpump rules before I had the. Like I've had those a while I didn't know it was a thing.

Speaker 2:

I don't know if that's good or bad.

Speaker 1:

I didn't know it was a thing on Vanderpump rules. I'm just going to be honest. I just like the lights. I don't like to sleep in the dark. I need a nightlight. All right, go.

Speaker 2:

Share a funny or cringe worthy dating experience.

Speaker 1:

For me.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you have to have one, I know you do.

Speaker 1:

I'm sure. I'm sure that I do. This is just I don't really have a lot of dating experience because I was like in relationships and then would move on to another relationship very quickly, so I've never really had the time to be single. God, this one's a hard one.

Speaker 2:

Never like I'm going to shit your pants. Nothing, peed yourself. There's got to be something. It doesn't have to be like a first date. Have peed the bed Drunk yes.

Speaker 1:

I can't believe I'm sharing that.

Speaker 2:

Did you take water and you're like oops, no, okay, I'm going to.

Speaker 1:

Okay, this is going to sound like I'm like so embarrassed right now. I love this so much You're doing great You're doing great Okay, thank you. This has only happened to me once that I know of, but I think I would know if it happened another time. I was so drunk, peed the bed. I woke up on the couch with my best friend at the time and she remembered what had happened. And I didn't know what happened and I'm like how did I end up on the couch? She's just like yeah, you peed in his bed last night and I was so fucking embarrassed.

Speaker 2:

So what did you?

Speaker 1:

do? We left I didn't know what to say. I kind of dated him a little on and off for a while. He was the guy I would date in between boyfriends, but I just kind of didn't bring it up after that. He never said anything. He never said anything, but also I was so fucking embarrassed I mean I don't think it's that bad. Really Should I have said something though.

Speaker 2:

I mean, you could have. His bed was probably disgusting. His bed was probably disgusting.

Speaker 1:

Oh, it totally was. He was like such a hoe.

Speaker 2:

See, no, you're good, probably built some immunity in him. You know what I mean. Totally Gave him some chest hair Looks good, it's good.

Speaker 1:

Oh my God, I don't even know that. He knows that. I know that. That's how much I just didn't bring it up. But hey, if you're listening, I'm really sorry, I did that.

Speaker 2:

I love asking these questions.

Speaker 1:

Oh God, oh wait, that was my next question. Stop. What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?

Speaker 2:

Embarrassing. I shit my pants, what? Yeah, it's really.

Speaker 1:

Was this on a date? Because no, oh, does it have to be on a date?

Speaker 2:

No, no, that wasn't part of my question yeah, in real life, no, in fake life.

Speaker 1:

It was an animated life, it just actually happened.

Speaker 2:

I was like 19.

Speaker 1:

Drunk or sober.

Speaker 2:

Sober At work, at work what?

Speaker 1:

You just snorted a little bit.

Speaker 2:

Okay, so I was working and I had taken a medication for something.

Speaker 1:

Okay, okay, all right.

Speaker 2:

And I noticed that at work it was starting to give me an allergic reaction. I started noticing things on my skin, my stomach started to get really queasy and I was like I all of the sudden feel incredibly ill.

Speaker 1:

Where were you working at the time?

Speaker 2:

So I was in Iowa and I actually worked at a boys home and it was boys who had been sexually abused, okay, and so I had like a weird shift. It was like 3pm to 11pm or something like that. So it was like at night, but it was like 7 o'clock and I'm like I have to go home. Actually, my house was like 2 miles from this place, just out in the middle of nowhere in the country.

Speaker 1:

Why didn't you just poop there? You just thought you were getting sick.

Speaker 2:

Like it wouldn't be like a regular poop. I was like getting sick.

Speaker 1:

You were trying to protect them.

Speaker 2:

I was trying to protect myself and them and my reputation, which that's getting ruined after today. So it's the same, so it's fine. Yeah, so well, I took it on another level. Leah, just piss the bed. When I'm drunk, I shat myself, okay.

Speaker 1:

But not in a boys bed. I will.

Speaker 2:

Yeah God, I hope not. I would not be here today. I would be RIP like I'm done, not putting my face out there for the world to see. So I started to get sick and I just started to really not feel well and I was like I'm really not feeling good, can I go home? And they were like, yeah, you don't look good. Well, where I clock out is in a different building and that's also where the bathroom is. And so I walk outside and I'm walking to the other building. I'm like, oh no, oh no, it's coming, and I run to the bathroom and I don't make it. Oh my God, oh my God, are we going to air this? Absolutely, this is bad. I was sick.

Speaker 1:

Okay, you guys, yeah, and I know way too many shit stories, so I'm just saying, like you're making a lot of women feel really normal, okay.

Speaker 2:

I go home and I'm sobbing and my mom's like why are you crying? And I'm like I'm 19 and I just shit myself and she was like, oh no, sweetie, let's get you cleaned up.

Speaker 1:

Oh, my God.

Speaker 2:

But I got really sick, so that's a little justifiable, I guess.

Speaker 1:

Totally.

Speaker 2:

I mean, shit happens literally.

Speaker 1:

So I used to like want to be famous.

Speaker 2:

Same I still do.

Speaker 1:

So I'm just kidding, I don't think I want that anymore. No, I would not, I don't want it anymore my mental health couldn't handle it. Literally no Like I don't want to put myself out there to that capacity. However, I used to have this fear that if I became famous, he would tell people I peed in his bed.

Speaker 2:

Oh, my God.

Speaker 1:

I know how stupid is that.

Speaker 2:

That's so dumb.

Speaker 1:

I know so dumb.

Speaker 2:

You ready? Yes, where did it go? If you could describe your work ethic using an animal, which one would it be?

Speaker 1:

My work ethic using an animal. These are really hard. I'm sorry, jesus, I'm sorry, okay, okay, I feel like it would be a sloth.

Speaker 2:

I was going to say that you were yeah, they're just vibing, they're happy.

Speaker 1:

Going at my own pace. They're going at their own pace. I really do do a lot of things at my own pace, and they don't give a fuck. What's?

Speaker 2:

going on around Like that's just what they do. Yeah, sloth ain't trying to be a cheetah, no, they're just being a sloth hanging out on the tree. I would be a sloth, yeah, and they're tree huggers, so yeah.

Speaker 1:

I used to, though, in my job, like I was very, very, very on time with everything, because my appointments were like time based, and I didn't like that restriction. I didn't like that because there would be times I would be in the room with someone for 15 minutes and I'd want like more time in the room with someone, but I had to like rush them out. So, yeah, I would say a sloth yeah, all right. If you were a vegetable, what would?

Speaker 2:

you be, and why. What's something that's spicy?

Speaker 1:

Are peppers vegetables? Yeah, I would be a pepper.

Speaker 2:

Like a spicy pepper. I'd be like a jalapeno. Is that a vegetable?

Speaker 1:

I feel like there's some rule that like, if there's seeds, then it's a fruit, but I don't know, because there's only a lot of vegetables.

Speaker 2:

that can we just call it a vegetable?

Speaker 1:

Let's just call it a vegetable.

Speaker 2:

I'd be a jalapeno, totally Like spicy. Not everyone can handle it, yeah, but also those who can really appreciate it. They love them, they love them.

Speaker 1:

They love those jalapenos. Jason loves to burn the shit out of his mouth. So does Tony. Yeah, I think it's a guy thing Like my, even my 15 year old. He's done like the one chip challenge, like yeah, like.

Speaker 2:

why do they do that to their bubbles Like?

Speaker 1:

they have to shave Like he. Like he'll do the hottest hot wings.

Speaker 2:

I don't really. What's that? There's a show where they do that they take celebrities and they just try.

Speaker 1:

I kind of want to do that in real life.

Speaker 2:

I would die. I think it'd actually be really funny if we did that.

Speaker 1:

I think we should do it, but also very torturous. Yes, I am not a good with spice, cause you can't. I can do a little spice, I can't do a lot of spice.

Speaker 2:

You like drinking water makes it worse oh yeah, I know why too.

Speaker 1:

That's what milk makes it.

Speaker 2:

Makes it better.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean there's some type of thing that, like the heat puts out in your mouth and water disperses it, like water makes it spread out even more. So not only does not water not work, water makes it worse.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Milk is the only thing that like coats, the, whatever it is that coats it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

And it makes it easier to digest.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I got a good one.

Speaker 1:

Okay, Wait, is it your? Yeah, it is your turn.

Speaker 2:

If our co-hosts dynamic were a sitcom, we discovered who would play you, who would play me and what would the show be about.

Speaker 1:

Damn Sorry, who would play you? Yeah, I feel this is where I can go into, like the Amy Polars and stuff, because I feel like they're purposely funny, but I'm trying to think of one that's kind of like a bad. Oh, what if it's like who's that girl who plays in Parks and Recreation?

Speaker 2:

Aree Plaza yes, that one. Have you seen her in White Lotus?

Speaker 1:

Yes, she's kind of a badass in that, but like I like that movie that show. Yeah, okay, I'll say her, yeah, I agree with that. And our show would kind of be like broad city mixed with new girl, mixed with two broke chicks or two broke girls.

Speaker 2:

Do you remember that?

Speaker 1:

show Mm-hmm. Okay, I feel like it would be that, but the show would be like following us around experimenting with things. Like I really think it would be a good show. Honestly, I do too. I really think it would be a good show.

Speaker 2:

It would be so funny if we experimented with all things, not even just in the healing realm.

Speaker 1:

Right, like we go into a breath work session and like we're like raw and funny and about it we eat hot wings. Yes.

Speaker 2:

We yes.

Speaker 1:

I think it would be a good show.

Speaker 2:

I do too.

Speaker 1:

If anybody out there is listening. But because I think that I'm going to just be honest, I think that we can bring light and airy to the deep, dark conversations that a lot of people, like in this space, tend to stay in the deep and heavy.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

And I think, with our life experience, healing doesn't. It is heavy and it is hard work, but like we make sure we do a really good job of staying, staying in the light.

Speaker 2:

Well, and not to be cheesy, yeah, and we're also here to have like a human experience. So like you know I want to do human things that are happening and going on in the world right now and and not take myself too seriously and laugh at it.

Speaker 1:

It's okay to have fun in this process, because this process is life Like like. I don't want people to forget that there is still fun to be had.

Speaker 2:

Yes, that's part of the yes. No, I think that'd be. I think that'd be good, Just saying.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, a lot of shows about like psychedelics and stuff are like super heavy and so heavy or so scientific.

Speaker 2:

Yes and yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, okay, oh, my turn. Okay, okay, okay, okay. This is kind of good. If you could switch lives with any celebrity for a day, who would it be and why? I should have asked this one other than before the veggie one. I feel like I like this one better.

Speaker 2:

A celebrity for a day, and why?

Speaker 1:

I know.

Speaker 2:

I know it's hard isn't it. It's really hard.

Speaker 1:

How are these rapid fire questions when you can't like answer them like that?

Speaker 2:

I would be. I feel like I would want to be somebody who's like a total badass, who lived a hard life, came out the other end. This is going to be a really surprising answer. Mike Tyson I find that man absolutely fascinating. Yeah, he grew up in poverty like, didn't have parents, had a lot of odds stacked against him. I feel like God in a boxing, became the goat, was not a great person and is now into all of this healing stuff. But the shit he says, the shit he thinks. It's so random. I would love to hang out with him for a day just to see what he's like.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

Because he has well, he has like that list too and he like talked like this. That's funny to me. His podcast is really funny, he's very entertaining to me and I think he's like has overcome a lot of things and he's healed a lot.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so that's a good way, that's a good answer.

Speaker 2:

See, I wanted to think about it, I was going to go with that. Or Lisa Vanderpump, because she's like bougie is hell and rich.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, I like the Mike Tyson one better.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I like that too. All right, what you got? Oh shit, that's my turn.

Speaker 1:

And then I'm going to do one more. I'm going to skip one of them, but I'm going to do one more.

Speaker 2:

Okay, okay. What is a personal quirk of yours that you nobody knows? A personal quirk? Yeah, something interesting, weird, that people may not know. You've got a lot of them. I feel like Do you think I did? I think we both do, oh totally. Like just a weird thing that about you that people may be surprised to know.

Speaker 1:

Why is it so difficult for me to answer these questions? I don't know Like I'm like, I don't know. What is it, christine? Because it's not a talent, it's a weird quirk. Right, god, I am a granny driver.

Speaker 2:

Oh, my God, is that not a good answer. No, you are but, and that is a good answer.

Speaker 1:

I am such a granny driver. I have a very fast fucking car. I don't have it, my husband has it.

Speaker 2:

But you drive it.

Speaker 1:

I drive it because it's it's it's electric. I do a lot of the driving, picking up all the kids and running around town. So I drive the electric car because I don't want to pay for gas. And it is a fast fucking car. It goes zero to 60 in literally three seconds.

Speaker 2:

It pains me to be in the car with you and you driving, because I will go under the speed limit. I'm just being cautious. But you're the only person who I know who like will pull up ways, because whenever I pull up ways and I'm going somewhere. I'm like I'm going to see how much time I can chop off of this ETA For you. You have this interesting talent where you're going to add like 20 to 30 minutes to it. Somehow I do the opposite and I don't know how you do it, but you do it.

Speaker 1:

I'm not an aggressive driver. I don't swerve in and out Like I don't like. Merging into traffic stresses me out, so bad, so bad.

Speaker 2:

This is what I would say. In that way, you are the biggest rule follower.

Speaker 1:

I am I absolutely am.

Speaker 2:

I'm a little bit of a good four shoes, if there is a yellow light.

Speaker 1:

I stop. You went through a yellow light the other day.

Speaker 2:

I was very surprised.

Speaker 1:

You were proud of me in that moment I was.

Speaker 2:

I was actually, I was very proud of you.

Speaker 1:

For me, yellow means slow down and for anybody else yellow means speed up. And I am like I am a rule follower. I have never had a ticket, but you're not. No, no, no, I know it's weird. Right, it's weird. I also don't take food into the movie theater. I am like scared of getting caught. This is such an oxymoron. This is such a weird quirk, because I do not follow societal rules. But when it comes to rules, because you're about kind of being respectful. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

But also Tony Rossini School of Business. Rule number one ask for forgiveness, not to permission.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that's a hard one for me. That's a really, really hard one for me. I don't like to ask for forgiveness at all. So yeah, that's yeah, that's an odd quirk I would say, okay, all right. Last question for me If you could go on any TV show, what would it be? It has to be an existing TV show, it could be reality, or regular Okay, easy, easy, housewives.

Speaker 2:

No, what? Not even close Real world, the challenge.

Speaker 1:

I've never seen it.

Speaker 2:

I wanted to go on the real world because I wanted to go on the challenge. I've literally never seen it. That was the ultimate goal you compete. You do seem like a very competitive person, If we I lose to you in a card game, I'm going to be mad. So I am very competitive. I have that. Oh, wow, wow. So, yeah, I would like they do this thing and it's an elimination. So if you get sent down to an elimination, it's called hall brawl and the hall is probably as wide as this chair, so not wide at all and you've got a helmet, elbow pads, knee pads, shoulder pads, like a football player, and one girl's on one end, the other girl's on the other end, and you have to run at each other in this very narrow space and tackle each other, because you have to get to the other side and ring a bell and they have to get, and whoever rings the bell on the other side the fastest wins. So I would love something like that. I would love to run straight at a girl, tackle her ass, grab her and just pull her along with me while I go and ring that bell. Jesus.

Speaker 1:

Christ, you are so dark and twisted. No, jesus, I'm like that sounds horrible. It's for money. I would be doing it and the whole time be like I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2:

So if we did that, and let's say it's, there's a million dollars on the line.

Speaker 1:

If it's me and you.

Speaker 2:

I would fuck with you so bad I would get into your head, because I know like I would. I would get into your head, I would talk so much shit. I would just, I would like you know how in. Oh gosh, it's a movie where these little kids play football from the nineties. They're like little, big, little giants, little, I don't remember little giants. They take like Pepto Bismol and it's like foam. They're foaming at the mouth and they're like they're to the other team. They're like I would do that to you, yeah, but I like like contact.

Speaker 1:

Okay, that makes sense. I mean, you were a boxer Like yeah, my workout.

Speaker 2:

Well, my coach wanted me to fight like actually competitively fight.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, you and Mike Tyson man.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, I'm, yeah. That's another thing why I want to hang out with him. Yeah, learn some fucking moves, yeah, and he's got that like you know how some people just have, like that grit.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like such a different man now See that duality, that duality.

Speaker 2:

I'm a different woman. He was.

Speaker 1:

Let's wrap this in a bow Full circle.

Speaker 2:

Full circle moment and I'm a different woman. All right, but I would do a haul brawl with you.

Speaker 1:

Okay, no, you wouldn't want to, I wouldn't want to do it.

Speaker 2:

I wouldn't want to do it with you. You would literally die.

Speaker 1:

I am the least competitive person. I don't like doing it at all At all. I'm just thinking about it. Don't even put me against you. I don't want to do it Like if we were like if we were single and like competing for the same guy. I would just give up and be like. You can have him.

Speaker 2:

I'm not like that though.

Speaker 1:

No, I'm just thinking like anything I would be like you can have it, you can have it, yeah, and that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2:

I'm like that's weird to me.

Speaker 1:

I would be like, I would be like I'll let you win, but like split it with me.

Speaker 2:

You know how those TikToks with women getting like women getting drafted and women are posting like what they would be like if they got drafted yes, if we did Hallbrow together you'd be like do you guys have any pink helmets? Okay, does this helmet make my hair look okay, literally. Do you have any lip gloss?

Speaker 1:

Am I going to get hurt? Can you like be easy on me a little bit. I will like hurt you.

Speaker 2:

You don't even know You're going to get your ass kicked. I'm in my Lutile phase right now. This is shit that Leon says. They don't even know that I'm in my Lutile phase. They're going to. They better watch out. I'm in my Lutile phase. She has said that and been dead serious.

Speaker 1:

You're saying it and people think I'm joking. And I was. I was being serious. I was literally like if they say something, they better watch it, because I'm in my I know that was like your, that was.

Speaker 2:

That's how you talk shit.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, oh my, I am not a good shit talker.

Speaker 2:

That is caught me at the wrong time. I'm in my Lutile phase.

Speaker 1:

I have caught a boyfriend cheating on me and said had fun licking my leftovers. Yeah, like I'm not a good shit talker at all, yeah.

Speaker 2:

At all.

Speaker 1:

All right, is that all we got? Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2:

We got to work on that shit talking.

Speaker 1:

I'm just not good at it. That's okay. It's okay to not get it. I'm not good at on the spot. Anything, it's okay. Well, that was quite the episode. Yeah, that was a little all over the place. This is like this is very fitting for an episode on ADHD. I really like you took the lead on that one and we can tell I didn't mean to. I didn't mean it like See, already, I'm like. I'm sorry, I was joking. Oh my God, one day last week I sent you something. I was like this is you? Oh yeah, and you were like that was not nice it wasn't. And then you went to bed and I was like, oh my God, are you so stressed out? So stressed out, because I really thought I upset you. I was like I was, I was joking, I swear oh my God, of course it's not you, I was, you're way prettier than that. And then I didn't hear from you all night and I was like did you take an edible? I did so. I was even more in my head, I was like super anxious about it, in paranoia, that like oh my God, my Bad at me, my cheeks hurt. So this is why this one, I'm not a good shit talker.

Speaker 2:

No, you'd know if I was pissed at you.

Speaker 1:

That scares me, is that like? Even then I thought I knew if I was really pissed you'd know. Good, all right, cool, cool, all right To all of our listeners. If you've made it this far, thank you. Stay positive and curious and open and stuff. I didn't need gummies, that was just you.

Speaker 2:

You're sober. I am totally so, not that I'm like messed up, but I feel.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, no, and we'll see you on the other side. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Effects of THC and CBD
ADHD, Organization, and Parenting Challenges
Insight and ADHD
Complexity, Vulnerability, and Healing
Healing, Respectful Communication on Social Media
Common Ground
Embarrassing Moments and Work Ethic
Celebrity Switching and Personal Quirks
Misunderstandings and Apologies