53 | White Sheep to Fearless Leader: A Journey of Healing Through Embodiment with Lindsey

We're absolutely thrilled to have Lindsey, a beloved Pilates instructor, sound bath healer, embodiment coach, and soon-to-be breathwork facilitated healer, on our podcast. Journey with us as we explore Lindsey's transformative experiences during the pandemic, her return to her body, and her drive to serve women on a deeper level through movement and healing. We discuss the powerful impact of Pilates, breathwork, and nature on her nervous system, and the profound connections she made with her inner child, inner critic, and ancestors during lockdown. And why we call her Lindsey Love!

Lindsey bravely shares her story of stepping into this role as the cycle breaker, the 'white' sheep, the healer, the leader. How her upbringing in an alcoholic home, an internalized trauma from a volunteer experience in South Africa, and breaking free from a toxic relationship led her to leading women to find themselves through movement, sound and breath.

We learn how Lindsey harnesses the power of breathwork and body awareness to reconnect with herself, and how movement keeps her grounded. We delve into her experiences with David Elliott's breathwork and its radical ability to move energy out of the body, activate the nervous system, and facilitate healing. We end on a high note, discussing the transformative power of group healing, the importance of cultivating a nurturing environment, and the crucial role of community in the healing process. This episode is a testament to Lindsey's incredible transformation from being the white sheep in her family to a fearless leader and cycle breaker.

Connect with Lindsey on Instagram here: https://instagram.com/pilates.louisville

And here: https://www.lindseywinkler.com/

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:20

Okay, you ready Before we get started. Okay, let's ground ourselves. Is that the right word? Yeah, okay, and would you be so kind as to lead us in a prayer? I'm just kidding. A body prayer, a body prayer.

Speaker 2: 0:40

Yeah, let's ground.

Speaker 1: 0:41

Yes.

Speaker 2: 0:42

Okay, let's do it. All right, so if you're at home you can just find a comfortable place to just sit. You can sit cross-legged or on the floor or on a chair or couch. Just get comfy And just take a moment to drop your shoulders down, away from your ears. Take a moment to just feel the rise and the fall of your breath.

Speaker 2: 1:13

Soften your jaw, relaxing the space in between your eyebrows And just tuning your attention down into your pelvis, your hips, allowing that area to relax, Soften or just widen into the earth feeling your tailbone just kind of pull down, like there's a tail attached to it, almost vacuuming you into the center of the earth, the belly of the heart, the heartbeat of the earth, and we'll just take a few big, deep breaths together.

Speaker 2: 2:01

So maybe you find you want to exhale all your air out of your body, just emptying out, taking a big, deep breath in through your nose and exhaling out through your mouth.

Speaker 2: 2:15

Doing that again, taking a big wide expansive breath in and exhaling out One more breathe in fresh air, fresh life. Breathing out with a sigh beautiful And keeping your eyes closed and seeing if you can almost soften into the back half of your body, Soften into the back part of your heart, maybe even sending breath air in the back half of your heart and noticing that when you relax into the back half of your body, maybe you even just slightly

Speaker 2: 3:03

lean back, without even really realizing it, and you can slowly maybe place your hands on your thighs or do just a little bit of a gentle stretch, just kind of coming back And opening up your eyes. Welcome back.

Speaker 3: 3:26

That was wonderful.

Speaker 1: 3:28

Yes, do we need to do that before every episode?

Speaker 3: 3:32

That would be wonderful. It would be, that would be fantastic. Can you come here before we record?

Speaker 2: 3:38

every time? Why don't I just record like a little like five minutes for you guys and you can just play my voice?

Speaker 3: 3:44

We could just replay this part every single time. I could go to sleep to your voice You have. Okay, let's get started.

Speaker 1: 3:52

Welcome everybody to another episode.

Speaker 3: 3:55

See you on the other side. So excited. today We have Lindsay with us. Leah and I tokened the name Lindsay Love, even though that's not your last name. We call you Lindsay Love because we feel like you just embody love.

Speaker 1: 4:13

We also really thought that was your last name. I don't know why we thought that, but it fits.

Speaker 3: 4:20

So you should change your last name because it is kind of iconic.

Speaker 2: 4:24

I love it. Actually, after you guys said that, i'm like I don't think I want to change my last name to love, so it's in the works, it's in the process, but it works so well I receive. I love that so much.

Speaker 3: 4:34

Okay, So Lindsay, you have been our Pilates instructor which we love you for that. You took us out of our comfort zone and taught us a lot. You're not just a regular fitness instructor. You're so much more than that. You are a sound bath healer and you are a trauma informed embodiment coach and you are soon to be. I don't know what you call it breathwork, breathwork or facilitated.

Speaker 2: 5:08

Breathwork facilitated healer, what have you Yeah?

Speaker 1: 5:11

Okay. So I'm going to say we've talked about her several times in previous episodes, and if you are familiar with the episodes where we make fun of my dancing, it is with Lindsay's embodiment groups.

Speaker 3: 5:28

Yes, she wouldn't make fun of my dancing though The other thing I want to say is is we have we have talked about you a lot, but it's like there's a story there, but we're not going to ask because we want to have her on and, like, have an authentic reaction at that moment or in this moment. But we're very curious about you and it's in a very like good, we just love you and we want to know your story.

Speaker 2: 6:01

I feel that and thank you so much for having me on, and it's an honor and I'm really happy to be here, so thank you.

Speaker 3: 6:08

Okay, so let's get started. Well, i guess my first question is just tell me a little bit about yourself.

Speaker 2: 6:16

Yeah. So, um, where I would really like to start is, um, just kind of how I came back home to my body, and so I have been a mover for most of my life. You know, i was trained and dance on and off throughout my life. I've been a competitive gymnast, competitive cheerleader, soccer player, ballroom dancer, what have you. I've most likely have dabbled in it, and even though I have been able to do all of the movements correctly, do all of the technique, i wasn't actually connected to my body. And even if you would have were to ask me years ago, how are you feeling? What are you feeling right now, i couldn't even name the feeling of what I was feeling, couldn't even express because I just was not even connected to my emotional body, right, and so I had felt that way for most of my life, not really knowing why and curious about it. Um, but it wasn't until I started my embodiment certification And when we were going through the pandemic and lockdown, that I had an experience of returning and coming back home to my body. I had been disassociated from my body for pretty much my entire life, not knowing, and I had this experience. And so I've been teaching Pilates, i've been in this world for 12 years now of teaching, practicing. So I've been in the movement world, coaching, guiding people's bodies, and, um, there was always kind of this burning desire, especially a year before the pandemic hit, where I was really wanting to be serving women on a deeper level, on a deeper level of healing, just because at that point in my life I had gone through my divorce and, um, i had started the healing journey and kind of asking the questions of like, okay, why do I keep choosing the same type of men that I keep choosing? Why do I keep repeating these patterns and really just taking more of a deeper dive in to therapy and slowly edging into different modalities, healing holistic modalities of softly, just kind of coming, slowly coming back home and healing myself.

Speaker 2: 8:42

And so, a year before the pandemic hit, i was having this burning desire of wanting to help women. I knew that it was going to be in the form of dance somehow, and I knew that I wanted it to be like just a fun way to heal, together with depth, but also just like a kick ass, like fun time where we'd also get like a great workout. And I was like I want both, like why can't we do both. And so I kind of started searching a little bit and I didn't really find anything. And my spiritual mentor at the time had gone out to a retreat and he came back and he returned. He goes Lindsay, i think I found what you were looking for. It's like all of these women in this retreat were raving about this experience called embody And he's like I think you should check it out, just look up the person, see if it's, if it's a fit for you.

Speaker 2: 9:30

And so I went to Nadia Moonla, who's my embodiment coach and who I got my certification through. I went to her website and I was just like this is what I want to be doing, like I want to be coaching and helping women in embodiment, somatics and healing nervous system regulation. And just I didn't even know what I was stepping into. I just knew I wanted to do it And so I got on board. I was like, okay, i'm going to do coaching with her and the embodiment certification. And this was way before we even knew the pandemic was going to hit. And so I'm trying in the embodiment coaching with her and the pandemic hits and we're in lockdown. And so it was the perfect, actually timing to be tending to my nervous system while we're in the middle of or beginning of a pandemic, while we are scared And I'm thank God it just was blessed to be able that I had my body. It's like my body already knew to sign up for something to be taking care of myself in that moment, in that time.

Speaker 1: 10:30

Chills.

Speaker 2: 10:31

Yeah. And so you know we're out of work, you know the world has been turned upside down and we're in lockdown, not work. I'm not working for about three months And in that three months I was in my embodiment training or certification. I was doing Pilates almost every single day. I had a reformer in my home. I was going out into nature multiple times throughout the day, just laying in the earth and taking multiple walks just to, like you know, not really be thinking about all the things that were going down and just to get that peace of mind and peace in my body. And then I was doing breath work for the first time, multiple times throughout the week And I just started having these experiences of one making contact with my inner little girl for the first time and that you know she was really sad. I didn't know why she was sad, but I just was learning the embodiment tools to be with her, to self-mother and just just let her be.

Speaker 2: 11:33

I was learning about my inner critic, i was learning about my shadow. And then I was having these crazy breath work experiences where it was almost trippy. It was. I experienced my ancestors for the first time. I had met them.

Speaker 2: 11:52

I was feeling physical sensations in my body, of my body shaking and wanting to release something and get it out, specifically in my low back, which is all inner child, and you know just safety, oh, i didn't know that, i didn't either. Yeah, it would literally vibrate and shake like it wanted to get out. I felt my soul's voice returned back into me. And you know, these are all experiences that are hard to really make sense to others unless you've been through it. But you know, when it's happening in your body and you're having these physical sensations and you're seeing these things, that it just you know what's happening and it just makes sense, right. And so I was really having this spiritual awakening. And you know not that that wasn't a hard time. That was a hard time for many people, so I don't want to downplay that it was, but for me it was a sacred pause.

Speaker 2: 12:44

And so there was a moment where I was just doing all the things, i was really taking care of myself. I got on the circadian rhythm. I was very like, legit and just making sure. I went to bed at 10, up at 7. Bed to 10, up at 7.

Speaker 2: 13:00

My cycle aligned with the moon, the full moon, for three months in a row for the first time, and so it was just what? things were just flowing right and I was just choosing these modalities that were just making sense to me at the time. I was activating my nervous system with breath work, i was calming my nervous system with embodiment, and it was just this beautiful dance back and forth for me to where I had a moment where I was. So I was standing in between my kitchen and my front room, and it was during the day, it was in that time of lockdown, and I just had this moment where I felt I came back into my body and I was brought down into my knees and I just heard my body say like welcome home, lindsay, welcome home. And I just, you know, fell to my knees and I was just so thankful I had, i had returned back in, not knowing that I had been disassociated for most of my life.

Speaker 1: 13:58

Oh wow, my god. Can I ask you a personal question? yeah so we were talking about trauma responses earlier and it's come up in a conversation recently with another friend Were you? freeze is like your trauma response to freeze.

Speaker 2: 14:21

It depends on the situation, but typically, yeah, it's first to freeze.

Speaker 1: 14:28

I didn't realize it was connected with, like. It's basically like disassociating, removing yourself from the situation.

Speaker 2: 14:36

Yeah, i think that's. I didn't realize. I think that's typically my first one, but I've had both were like it also like I've had fight and then I've also had just like numbing out, so but yeah, so let's, let's backtrack, because how did you get to this point where you were like, okay, something's got to give.

Speaker 3: 15:01

I got to do something different, because whatever I'm doing right now, it's not working for me.

Speaker 2: 15:06

Yeah, i think that I mean you know it all goes back to childhood right, and so you know, growing up for me, i grew up in a small town in Hartville, ohio, and it was a Mennonite town, you know. Just a very wholesome place to grow up. I call it my shire. Whenever we've gone back I'm just like, oh, don't be touched by the outside world. You know, mennonite town, we, my family's not Mennonite, but it our neighbors were, and so it was normal to see horse and buggy like drive by and, you know, go to the annual pig roast where we all bring potluck and you know we're eating, you know, fresh ice cream and drinking fresh cow's milk and you know just a very wholesome place to grow up.

Speaker 2: 15:50

Right, but in my home I grew up in an alcoholic home. My father is a high functioning alcoholic and my mom had her own stuff too. She was sold for $3,000 when she was a baby. It was between an Irish family and an Italian family and she was sold to the Irish Irish family up in Cleveland, ohio. So she's got her own stuff too, right. And so you know, and I'm now I'm out of place in my life where I can say like, okay, they did the best that they could with how they grow up and what they were given and you know, definitely had my physical needs met. But as far as just like emotionally, there's definitely that and I was the child that I filtered my family's emotions through my body to make sure, like everybody else, was safe and okay right now.

Speaker 3: 16:45

You said something before we started recording and we were talking about being the black sheep of the family. Oh yeah, and Leah said are you the black sheep? and you said, no, i'm the white one. What does that mean?

Speaker 2: 16:58

yeah, i think. Yeah, for me, like you know, black sheep, white sheep, all different color, like it's great, it's beautiful because it's other than. But I, for me, black sheep has, i guess, maybe more of this like negative, outcast connotation of black. And when I see white, i see white as the healer of the family, i see white as the leader of the family, the one who's asking the questions, the one who's wanting to not necessarily heal the family, but heal the patterns, heal the generational cycles and heal that lineage and going forward for our families, for our community, our friends, for, you know, the world the cycle breakers.

Speaker 1: 17:40

Yeah, yeah, because I said I'm like I saw something that said rainbow sheep and I was like I love that I am a rainbow sheep. I am not a black one anymore absolutely so, whatever you want yeah, whatever you wanted to be like, just know that like you are unique and you know you're the cycle breaker yeah yeah, for a reason.

Speaker 3: 18:02

Yeah, yeah. So you. You also said earlier about how, when you started on your healing journey, you realize that you had certain patterns with men which I very much so I had the alcoholic father and emotionally neglect, neglectful mother. So like I gravitated towards certain relationships where I wanted to change that person and it was almost like if the less attention they gave me or the worse that they treated me, the more comfort I felt and the more I gravitated towards that kind of a man, not even realizing that it was like trauma bonding absolutely, yeah, and I again it stems back to childhood.

Speaker 2: 20:06

Why I chose the men that I had chosen unbeknownst. I was sexually abused when I was a five-year-old little girl, and it was. I was an adult and and again, i didn't know this until I started my healing journey and I came back home to my body and our bodies hold our stories, our fascia, our muscles, our tissues, our organs. They hold it for they hold it. And so when I started unpacking and unraveling and healing and coming back home, that's when the memory came back that this, this had happened and, you know, been doing EMDR therapy with it and it that's been a huge catalyst, a huge help in my healing journey with triggers and so around that event. And but anyways, yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:00

So, going back to that, that's why I got into kind of the more emotional, mental, abusive relationships with those men that I had had chosen and ended up getting married to a man here in Louisville and yeah, i, i'm losing my train of thought for a second yeah, and so got into another like emotionally, mentally abusive relationship and it didn't come out until we did get married and you know, he had me and then just kind of everything kind of came to the surface and had. We had moved away from Louisville and it was separated from, you know, my family and friends living down in Florida, and so I went through that whole process and that was probably another pivotal point in my life when I decided to leave. It took me about four times to leave this person. I think the average woman leaving an abusive relationship it's like seven or eight times yeah seven and so I eventually got out, and that was just a whole process.

Speaker 2: 22:13

It's so hard to leave sometimes when you are in a place where you do not know anybody and you're alone, and although I had the support of my family and they did want me to leave him, and it because it had taken me so many times, this time when I actually really decided to leave, i was alone and I had signed up to, yeah, go into shelters to make sure I had a place to stay.

Speaker 2: 22:38

And so I like had to time it correctly so that I could pack up all my things and, just, you know, try to leave when he wasn't there, and just you know all that. It's just, it's hard leaving a situation and so I yes, i did I ended up leaving and in that period, when I had left and I was, you know, figuring out where I was going to land next, i, i got into therapy and this was before all of you know the other holistic healing modalities. I had started, i was doing cognitive therapy and there were two things that my therapist said, and one of them he said, lindsey, if you were going to heal your body because you have PTSD, he's like we are going to have to get your body under control, we're going to have to get you to sleep, we're gonna have to get you regulated or else we're not going to be able to start the healing process. I was like this is that was the first time I had ever heard a cognitive therapist say we have to get your body under control, we got to get you to sleep, and so you know it's taking like melatonin and valerian root at the time and it worked for a good six months to help me to at least like sleep a bit during that time. And the second thing he said he said, lindsey, this, your you know husband, your ex husband, this cycle that you're in is not about you, this is whatever has happened to him in his childhood.

Speaker 2: 24:07

And so the, the, the cycle, or the fighting of the abuse starts. And then there's the love bombing or you know the I'm sorry, i love you, i'm gonna do this, and the sweet and, like you know, everything's okay for a little bit, for a period of time, and then it just starts all all back over again and it's just a vicious kind of cycle. And so when he said that, i was like, okay, this isn't going to change, he isn't going to change unless he's doing the work, and you know he, he didn't want to do the work.

Speaker 1: 24:35

So you know, that's what led me to, you know, be in the situation that I was did it also kind of hearing that was that a little bit freeing, like knowing that, like you could be released from that, like oh my god it's not me.

Speaker 3: 24:55

Yeah, you've done all I can.

Speaker 1: 24:57

I'm pulling he's gonna do this to me, to whoever, to that person, until he makes a decision to Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, 100% so that had to feel Nice to hear.

Speaker 2: 25:13

Yeah, yeah. and then that that marriage really taught me over and over again the lesson of choosing myself, because I was so used to giving my power away and letting, because my power was taken from me when I was a five-year-old little girl, and so I was used to giving my power away to others, looking to others for advice, wisdom that they knew better than I knew myself, because I wasn't even connected to my body.

Speaker 1: 25:43

Did you feel like you were, though, when he said like you're not connected to your body, where you like, what are you talking about? Like, i move, i do this, i dance. I Know my body very well. I can control it very well.

Speaker 2: 25:55

Yeah, I don't. I don't know if I thought about it that at that time. Okay but I think with, like I knew, i was connected to my body on a physical level and I loved my body Physically, like how it looked, but I didn't trust my internal body.

Speaker 2: 26:11

I Didn't because of all of the things that I had struggled with, which makes me want to go back to South Africa and kind of explain that story a little bit. Yeah, so 19 years of age, i decided to go out to South Africa and I volunteered orphanage. It was in between college years and I was like feeling lost. I'm like I don't know what I want to do with my life. I just just want to go out, take a break and go to this orphanage. So I raised money my church supported me at the time and I went out to this organization called God's Golden Acre and Anybody could come and love on these kids, didn't matter what you believe or religion you were, and I'm so like, yeah, let's do this, like I'm all about it. And so I lived there for nine months and It was at this orphanage, and we had about anywhere between like 80, 83, 90 kids. It would fluctuate, because some were there Because their parents had died from AIDS. Some were there, you know, through foster care, and so they were just staying with us for a little while, and then we also one of our biggest supporters was Oprah, and so we had would get Oprah's kids on the weekends sometime. So it just was always fluctuating and When I was there, i started to experience a lot of health problems.

Speaker 2: 27:21

I was having anxiety like I had never had in my life. Being at 19 years of age, that was the first time I ever experienced anxiety. And Then, you know, obviously I was experiencing culture shock there, so it was situational. I was experiencing a lot of abdominal pain that I didn't know what was, where it was coming from, especially after I ate. and Then I had a pretty traumatic experience while I was living there. So there was a week where we were taking the teenage kids into the city of Durban. I lived on the east coast of the country. It's a beautiful country, by the way. Have you guys know?

Speaker 1: 27:56

okay.

Speaker 2: 27:57

Gorgeous. It's like a little mini USA, because they just, they have everything the beaches and the Mountains and the forest and the death. They have like it all in one country. It's a lot of that, and so, anyway, so there was a week where we were taking the teenage kids into the city of Durban to learn a dance for youth day, and Me and another Volunteer at the time, mateus, from Germany him and I were Chaperoning the kids, and so we had a driver. He would drop us off and we'd chaperone the kids to make sure they were safe. And throughout that week, mateus and I Would take a walk down this alleyway to this small grocery store to get Coca-Cola classic and get some chocolate or whatever. And every time we'd walk down that alleyway we would see this same security guard Standing out one of the buildings and we'd wave and say hi to him and we saw him a couple or a few times during that week.

Speaker 2: 28:52

Well, there was one day Mateus couldn't go and so I was chaperoning alone by myself, and so I decided to take that same walk. And you know, they say when you go to other countries Or you're doing, you know, volunteer work, always travel in twos or travels and travel in three so that you're safe. Well, i just Didn't think about it that day. I let my guard down and I had my purse, i had my camera with me, i definitely looked like a tourist and I was taking that same walk. And I'm walking down the alleyway and I see this man jump out of a tree with a machete in his hand And he's screaming and yelling at me to stop, to not move and stay there. So I freeze in my tracks and This other man between you know, on the alleyway or the sidewalk in between two buildings, he runs out and and runs down and turns the corner and the man with the machete is running after him and I.

Speaker 2: 29:51

So I just Freeze. I don't know what just happened, i don't know what to do. I'm just standing there. The man with the machete comes back and as he gets closer I'm like, oh, this is the Security guard that we had been seeing throughout the week. He gets closer and he says ma'am, i was up in a mango tree cutting a mango down for lunch and he goes. I saw this man who saw you. He picked up a brick and stood in between two walls and was getting ready To who knows what. You know, beat me, kill me, i don't know right, and he was getting ready for me. So I, literally this man was my fallen angel, and I call it my fallen angel story because, oh my god, i don't know if I'd be here at this point.

Speaker 1: 30:33

I did not know where that story was gonna go.

Speaker 2: 30:36

So, and there were. You know so. But my point is like, when that happened, how I internalized that Was I internalized it. Oh, that was my fault, oh, i looked like a tourist, it's my thought was very hard on myself, right. And so I internalized it like I shouldn't have looked the way I looked, i shouldn't have gone by myself, like I internalized it all and I didn't tell anybody and I didn't realize that that was a Traumatic thing to happen to someone and so I just remained silent with it. I didn't tell anybody and I just kept going. I just kept like I just played it off like it was another day, because because of how I grew up an alcoholic home and just Not being connected to my body, not using my voice, not feeling like I had a voice growing up, not feeling like I could Express my needs or what have you, and so, anyways, i internalized all of that and when I got back to the states, i experienced a lot of like numbness, a lot of PTSD, not knowing what had happened to me and Still experiencing a lot of extreme anxiety.

Speaker 2: 31:55

When I got to the the states, we found out that I had cysts on my ovaries and that they had ruptured while I was there. So it was just experiencing a lot in my 19 year old, sweet little body and I'm just like, why is all of this happening? you know, like why am I experiencing all of this? and so that's also really when more of my healing journey with my body started. So I Started going to therapy for culture shock and, just like everything that I was experiencing, i didn't know how to handle this anxiety and she wanted me to get on Lexa pro and so I got on Lexa pro. I tried that for Quite a few months in six months or so, and I'm like this is just not for me. I felt foggy, i didn't feel like myself, i couldn't focus, i just really did not feel good on it, and so I ended up getting off and I started seeing a naturopathic doctor and I started seeing a homeopathic nurse, and Some of these homeopathic remedies were able to calm my heart rate down, slowly and gently, calm my anxiety. And then, once I met with this naturopathic doctor, we did all of the blood work and we were to see like my cortisol levels were up, my adrenal glands were shot. It's just like we need to get your body back on board. My hormone levels were often so.

Speaker 2: 33:09

We did a complete reset detox of my body, and He had meningetics was the company that we went through at that time to support my body with medical food Supplements, adrenal support, you know just all of the things so that I'd be replenishing and healing my body while I was going through this detox. This detox was really only supposed to last about four months, and so it was, you know, think like really clean eating, you know, even cleaner than like the whole 30, right? So like no caffeine, no salt, no sugar, you know, um, fresh vegetables, maybe like frozen would be fine, organic chicken, you know, just like everything organic, right. And so it was the best I ever felt in my life, and I went up to six weeks with it. It was just Felt so good, and so that really was the beginning of, like, my healing journey with my body, and then the anxiety still stayed Quite a bit. You know how old were you then? So I was probably maybe like then 2021 at that point then.

Speaker 2: 34:12

And So sometimes when people have, when children have experienced trauma in their early life or a chaotic, dysfunctional home when they leave the home, then they have to learn to function by themselves without that comfort zone, and so that can also create a lot of Nervous system dysregulation within the body and anxiety, depression, what have you. And so I think there was a combination of things going on that was definitely Social. I wasn't connected to my body. I also had received a lot of vaccines all at once heading over there and I'm not Against or for vaccines, i needed them to support my body while I was go over there. But I think, because I had received so many, that it possibly Also contributed to a lot of mercury in my brain with anxiety. And so I think it was a combination of things.

Speaker 2: 35:07

But You know, i started to also unpack and unfold just the anxiety and Really asking myself the question like, why am I struggling with these things? and my peers aren't struggling like I am, like why am I showing up in certain situations where I am shaking and I have so much anxiety in these social, social situations? Why is my body responding this way this early? like what? like? I just kept asking like why? like I keep trying, i keep trying to return Back to her, i keep trying to do the right thing, do the things.

Speaker 2: 35:40

And you know, at that time, yes, i grew up in it in a pretty good conservative Christian home and I had people saying to me In that community Well, are you praying enough? or, like you know, we are just not grateful enough. And I'm like I am trying, i'm like I'm a good person, i'm like trying to do all the things, but Something is not clicking, something is not responding. I know this woman who lives inside here is like wanting to. It's just like I felt, like I knew that there was this light. I knew that there was this person within me, but I didn't know how to access her. And I really didn't access her until I came home to my body With embodiment, with somatics, with breath work, with connecting into nature, and once that happened, that I was able to peel away the layers, i was able to heal, my psychic gifts were able to come online, my intuitive, intuitive gifts were able to come online And I was just able to finally access the woman that I knew that was in there.

Speaker 3: 36:49

I feel like So many of our parents that we grew up with it's. They have so much unhealed trauma and so when you go to them and you're like I'm struggling, i'm this, they have no tools in their toolbox So they can't give you any tools, anything That's really Substantial, and so it's we. It's like peep kids who grew up and have these traumatic childhoods. They become adults who are just trying to like Navigate life but don't know what the fuck they're doing, and we have to learn the hard way, through Experiences and trials and tribulations, to just kind of figure it out like no coping skills.

Speaker 3: 37:34

There's no coping skills, and so I always say this it's so. It's such a disadvantage when you come from a home like that and from somebody who doesn't, because it's you really like, it's a. You don't know what to do and how to do it. You know that something's wrong And you know that. You know you don't feel right in your body, but it's like Just the learning process, just to feel closer to home. It's such a journey, it's wild.

Speaker 2: 38:01

Absolutely Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 3: 38:04

Okay, so now I'm trying to think of where you were at.

Speaker 1: 38:07

Well, i want to know Um. Somatics comes up a lot. We did interview Callie Yeah, who is a somatic coach. I guess there's so many different Types of somatic. What would you call it, healing or somatic practices? What to Our listeners who are, who have no idea what that word even means Like how could you explain what somatics and embodiment mean in a very easy to understand way?

Speaker 2: 38:44

Yeah, so embodiment, just in its like, simplest form, is just How you feel within your own skin, how you feel at home within your own body, and it's it's about awareness and so being aware of the physical Sensations, being aware of all of the senses and just basically feeling at home within your skin. Somatics, then, is more about the physical, the pain or the physical sensations to the world relating around you and So like, if, like, let's say like, so like, if we use the word suffering, that's gonna land in my body differently than it's gonna land in someone else's body, or the word sacrifice, that's gonna land that that word is gonna land differently in my body than it's gonna land in someone else's body. And so, in relationships, just with using words and communicating with one another, it's it lands completely differently because we've all have different stories, we all have different cultural upbringings, we all have Different upbringings that we've had, and so that those words can mean something completely differently in how we feel it.

Speaker 1: 39:55

It's like when the old-school therapy I remember being a kid and like you see therapists and you think, oh, they show you pictures of blobs and ask you what you see, like, oh, i didn't know what therapy was, i didn't understand what that was, but it's like you're gonna see something different than someone who has experienced like something completely Different than you.

Speaker 1: 40:16

Yeah so it's like that, like what you're feeling, if I say that the I'm just piecing together right now. Some people have no problem with the word surrender, but someone who has maybe had to surrender or didn't want to surrender is gonna have a vitriol reaction to that word and be like Fuck, no, i'm not surrendering or the word God, yes, yeah yeah, right, that's a very good point.

Speaker 3: 40:42

I never really thought about it like that.

Speaker 1: 40:44

Yeah, cuz I think Religion for me for a very long time was like a very Fuck that no. And now I catch myself saying like things that sound religious.

Speaker 2: 40:57

Yeah, but it means comes about probably something completely different right now. Right, would you say in the city, yes, that you're in yes, it has a different meaning to me now.

Speaker 1: 41:05

Before it was such a triggering word, because then the meaning that I had For the word was very different than the word I have now. So, yeah, because I've like worked to heal that part of me, just like dancing, i'm trying, you know, you're doing so good You are Yeah.

Speaker 3: 41:28

No, I know that was that's, that was a. It's a very hard thing for you And you. You keep going through the discomfort and doing it anyways.

Speaker 1: 41:37

The part about coming into your body, and this is like something I didn't. I would not have known what that even meant If you said that three or four years ago I'd been like what does I'm in my body? Yeah, i think something. How else am I supposed to be in my body? I'm in it, like what are you talking about? But we've often said a lot of times like whenever you are going through a depressive episode or something traumatic, like you remove yourself from your body to survive, like it's like you're so disconnected from your body that I didn't know I was disconnected until I connected. That's when it was like oh my God, i had no idea there was a A disconnect at all. Right, because you think you're like well, i'm in my body, how would I not be connected?

Speaker 2: 43:03

Yeah, it's like another portal or another opening and Something I want to say with, like you know, being an embodiment facilitator and coach it is not that I'm always yummy, yummy, yummy and always like embodied I have to still like constantly practice of staying embodied.

Speaker 1: 43:20

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 43:21

Right And like it's. It's a practice of making sure I go out, maybe at the end of the day, and I'm putting my feet in the earth, or like sitting here right now. I'm like I'm rubbing my legs, you know, making sure I'm staying connected, i'm staying in my body. If those of you that can't see me, I'm like rubbing my thighs to make sure I'm like connected and still landing in Right And so what would be some advice to somebody who doesn't know if they are in their body or not.

Speaker 3: 43:50

Like they, they are so unaware and so not in this space. They don't. They don't know If they are not.

Speaker 2: 44:00

That's a good question. I would say two simple places to just start is grounding, going out and putting your feet in the earth, laying in the earth that you'll receive so much from that. that is one simple place to start. and then just simply being aware of your breath. Your breath is everything. Your inhale is the masculine, your exhale is the feminine. Oh and so, if you want to, yeah, if you focus and I learned this from my embodiment coach Nadia if you take a breath in and you exhale out through your mouth and you keep going with that exhale until you find a little drop of pleasure in your body that's slowly dropping in, that's slowly embodying.

Speaker 2: 44:52

And then it's slowly finding the feminine, the flow of what unravels, what opens up in your body.

Speaker 1: 45:00

I love that. Don't you do that like little breathwork practice every morning?

Speaker 3: 45:05

Yeah, I do morning yoga flow, okay Yeah.

Speaker 1: 45:09

Cause I'm like you need to drop into some feminine. I mean you don't need to do anything, i just we were talking about that earlier Like she's.

Speaker 3: 45:16

I'm working on it.

Speaker 1: 45:17

I know, i know. I love it, but like I'm like oh, that makes a lot of sense. Why, like you, like to do that in the mornings? It's probably very healing for you.

Speaker 3: 45:27

And like the breathwork and the journaling and like it's it's. I grew up in a very similar household as you. My dad was an alcoholic but he was also abusive And then I had a sibling who was abusive. So I always felt and I didn't know this at the time because you don't know what you don't know But I was very much so like a fighter and like it's you against the world And you know I had to be that to survive and and feel safe. But you know, when I got out of that environment I have I was talking to her I have like a very masculine energy to me and sometimes struggle with women because of that And it's so it's been. My work has been like dropping in my body, becoming softer and more gentle and getting more into my feminine. That's been the hard thing. Where hers is, she's completely opposite.

Speaker 2: 46:26

So yeah, Well, i feel your feminine, Like when you've come into Pilates and stuff, and just like the love and the open heart that you have had.

Speaker 1: 46:37

Like I see, I see the masculine too.

Speaker 2: 46:39

I feel that also And I think it's, it's, but I definitely, like I've felt and I see both, and I've definitely have felt your feminine and have been embraced by your feminine.

Speaker 3: 46:50

Okay, I really appreciate that too. I've really worked on it.

Speaker 2: 46:56

Yay, and it like. one thing I do want a presence too, is that like it doesn't and gender doesn't matter, but like because we all have masculine and feminine Right.

Speaker 2: 47:05

And so, even if we gravitate towards more of the masculine, like that's okay, that's okay, that's okay if that's our natural how we naturally express ourselves in this lifetime, that's fine. We're just learning to balance, yeah, and that's why we do the embodiment work together and, like I'm, creating that space for us women to gather together, to slow down, to be in a safe space where we can drop into our breath, drop into our bodies, feel what's actually going on inside and move it through our bodies, you know, in the form of power, pleasure, and play through that, through in body.

Speaker 3: 47:48

So, yeah, So you started this, but I assume during this time you were in a tumultuous marriage. So how was that like being on a healing journey while also being with somebody who maybe wasn't willing to evolve or grow or look at their own trauma? Right Yeah.

Speaker 2: 48:18

So at that time, when I was with him, although I had done, you know, the work of working on my anxiety and like self-help work and healing, just like you know my body, with like detoxing and going to a naturopathic doctor, i hadn't started like the spiritual awakening or the deep dive.

Speaker 2: 48:42

That didn't happen until once we got divorced and I was doing different types of therapy and stuff. So, being with him and although always being a person who's wanted to continually grow, wanting to understand, wanting to know the truth, wanting to understand what's going on, and, yes, him not really being that way or being that open, i think for me when I was in that marriage, i was just kind of doing the next thing and doing what society wanted me to do next, because we had been together for you know ever, many years and it was just like the next thing to do, and so I was in a space where life was constantly deciding for me and I wasn't deciding my own life, and so that marriage kept showing up in different situations where I had to continually choose myself, choose myself, choose myself, and that was the repeating kind of lesson for me. Now, when I look back and I was like, yeah, when I decided to leave. Like I said, it took me took me about four times to actually leave the marriage.

Speaker 3: 50:03

Was he scary when you would try to leave?

Speaker 2: 50:13

The two times that I had left it was when we were dating, and so that wasn't really scary. And then the other two times. One was when he was working a night shift, so I was able to pack up all my things in the middle of the night and get out, and then the next time his family was around. So, yeah, like I was able to do it when there were other people around, and it just be done that way.

Speaker 1: 50:41

Something you said earlier. I want to circle back to it because you were like you know, even though I do these things, like I still have to like practice these. And I think a lot of times people in the healing space, especially the healers who are like coaching and helping with these practices, are put on this like pedestal, like oh, they know their shit, like look how much work they've done. But it's like therapists sometimes need therapy And medicine workers use the medicine and embodiment coaches practice embodiment Like it is never like a done, like healed thing, like there is.

Speaker 1: 51:23

No, i'm healed because I did this. It's no, i'm healing and this is working for me. But I'm saying all of this because I'm also like you know, your healing journey started at 19. There have been many catalysts, but each one seems like it like chipped away, layer by layer, until you were ready for the next layer, like what you were. Like it's like one thing at a time, like one step at a time, one day at a time, like you and I talk all the time how we used to do all of these things but we weren't really healing, and I kind of want to take that back a little bit.

Speaker 2: 52:06

We were right in the way we knew how right And then, when we were ready, it went deeper Yeah absolutely Yeah, i think that things when we continue to choose courage and faith and step forward and faith, i think that the things that are supposed to find us find us, or like what we're supposed to find, we're supposed to find and it's just this natural progression, instead of like, oh, i got to strategize and if I do this and do that and like no, it's like just it's, it's an unfolding and a natural progression. At least that's been my experience of just not giving up.

Speaker 3: 52:47

Yeah, and all three of us knew that things weren't right. We didn't necessarily have the right answer, but we're always searching on how to do it, on how to find peace.

Speaker 1: 53:00

It's what she said earlier, what That's the warrior in you.

Speaker 3: 53:08

In you, yeah, in you In you. But it is. It was like I didn't necessarily know what to do, but I knew I had to do something, so I was always reaching for things, searching and asking questions. They may not have been the right choices or whatever, or it just you know I had to keep going. but it was just this, like inner, like I know I can feel good, I know this and I'm going to keep searching how, but I don't know how quite yet.

Speaker 2: 53:37

Yeah. And so what leads me to like the next thing is like the next step after, like, i was going through my divorce and I decided to come back to Louisville, because what does Louisville do? It sucks you back in. And so I came in and just organically happened like as doors were opening up and I'm like okay, i'm coming back to Louisville, this is what's happening. And I was just welcomed with, like, all of my friends and just it was just this celebration almost for an entire year where I just felt supported, loved, opportunities were happening, it was meeting new people, and I just felt like it was a celebration of like Lindsay made the best decision that she could have made. She chose herself and saved herself. And then I was just like welcome back.

Speaker 2: 54:28

But within, you know, and I say this kind of like for people that have friends that are going through a divorce I'm like just give them a year of crazy, like give them a year to just go through what they need to go through and get out what they need to get out, because they just lost everything and they're not going to act or behave like they may normally do, and just to let have the grace and to let them get it out. And so at that time I was going to therapy. I was doing therapy through Zoom with a therapist the man that I had met down in Naples Florida, that's where I was who had gave me those two pointers, and so I was doing therapy with him, and then I, you know, kind of kind of quickly got back into a relationship because it's like, oh, i just want to feel comfortable, right. And then I noticed, wow, my nervous system is way up, my nervous system is jacked.

Speaker 2: 55:22

I hadn't done nervous system work at that point. I didn't even know how hypervillageant or hyper aroused I was of always being on alert and thinking I was in danger, and so that played into some of the relationships that I got into And that was like another. Okay, wow, like this is here. This is another layer, another piece of like work I get to do, and also just not the right relationships for me. And, you know, maybe not the best decision to get into a relationship when I had just gotten out of a marriage, but that's my story And it just led me to more, even more healing There's another catalyst.

Speaker 3: 56:04

Yeah Right, i relate to this so much.

Speaker 1: 56:07

I see you over there, scorm, and then you're seeing it.

Speaker 3: 56:09

I know, i know with everything because it's, you know. Same thing with me too. When I got divorced, he went back to Iowa and I'm like no, just stay here, stay in Louisville, figure it out, make new friends. New chapter got into some relationships, not good ones at all, But I was just. I wanted to be loved, not realizing, like You can do that, You don't need somebody to do that, Like you can love yourself, You don't need a man for that. But I had to learn that through experiences And I think that also those relationships may be played a purpose to in possibly healing as well.

Speaker 2: 56:52

So, although there was both going on.

Speaker 2: 56:54

There was still. They were in your life for a reason to like be that comfort or be that reminder or just be that support. Even if it wasn't the healthiest thing, it's just, it's still part of our story And that's that's one thing that I am embracing and really claiming is that, like, i don't have shame or guilt over my story. It is my story. You have your story. Like we all have our stories. Like there's no shame or guilt to hold because a lot of things weren't ours to carry to begin with. Right, a lot of things have been passed down through generational cycles, through, you know, our ancestors or how we grew up, and so a lot of the burden that we carry and the things we do, they're not, they're not ours And it's just this unlearning, right.

Speaker 2: 57:41

And we've seen that out there, like in the spiritual realm, it's like we're like unlearning what we've learned.

Speaker 1: 57:47

I also want to like say this to people because I think that in the beginning of, like you're, the process of unlearning, a lot of people tend to be very hard on themselves, and I I use this, i say it to you because I say it to my husband a lot like he'll get frustrated because it's not working fast enough. You know, and I'm like we've got 40 plus years of doing something this way, it is not going to be easy to undo, even though we know it's not working. That's just one. The first step is like the awareness, like that doesn't fix it. It's going to take a while to become a practice of doing the opposite And you have to forgive yourself if you slip back into it or give yourself grace if you're not doing it quick enough, because it's you hear that a lot like it's the unlearning that gets you closer to yourself.

Speaker 2: 58:51

I love that you say it that way, because in somatics and in embodiment, to actually embody something and for it to become a part of you, you have to do it thousands and thousands and thousands of times. So if you think about driving, you know when you go into that space and you're like driving down the road and you're like where did I just go? You know how to get home right, and it's like you've done it so many times. It is just in your body, in your system. You just know how to do it Right And so that's embodiment. That's like somatics, when you can like do something so much and embody it so much that it is one with you.

Speaker 1: 59:28

It's second nature.

Speaker 2: 59:30

So, having the grace that it just takes, yeah And embody, embody, embody embody And like accepting that it's just going to take time and practice.

Speaker 3: 59:42

And I'm glad you said that, because I think a lot of people do struggle because you're like okay.

Speaker 1: 59:47

I'm doing this, i do this and I did this and it's still not fixed. I should be healed. My journey is done, still have my outbursts, and I think that's the thing too. Like it's. Like you know, i still have my fawn response. I will still sometimes go into that and instead of beating myself up over it, i'm like, oh my God, i did that for so long, of course, like there's part of me that's going to go back to that. I just have to be aware of it and I have to forget myself for it Silly.

Speaker 2: 1:00:19

And that's the conversation. Like, oh, I did the thing again Sweet.

Speaker 1: 1:00:24

Like you, little girl not beating yourself up over it. You did the thing again.

Speaker 2: 1:00:29

And then you just move on silly Leah, i love that.

Speaker 3: 1:00:33

I'm going to start doing that.

Speaker 1: 1:00:34

Silly Chris, oh my gosh, you're a feral as fuck, but it's okay, you're fine, oh yeah. Right here I do So the breathwork. I am curious about this because I've done a couple of sessions and the last time I did an embodiment circle with you. That's why I was like, oh, and she's going to start doing this because we did a little bit of a breathwork practice. There are several different types of breathwork, and what is the one that you experienced and why are you choosing that to start doing?

Speaker 2: 1:01:11

Yeah, so this is for anybody who's listening. This is David Elliott's breathwork and it's been passed down to him. It has roots in Pranayama, and so the breath is done through the mouth and it's a three part breath and it actually activates the nervous system. And the reason it activates the nervous system is to move energy out of the body, to move stuck energy wherever it's at, and the body is so wise. It is so wise, it knows how to move. So, no matter what intention you go in with, even if the breathwork is like it's breathwork for love or breathwork for liberation, the body is going to do what it needs to do. The body is going to heal. The way it needs to heal in that moment is so wise, and so that's why I love this breathwork. One of the reasons But I have just had so many profound experiences on it, with meeting my ancestors, releasing things out of my body where my low back used to be so stuck, so tight, like something was living there, and it's not there anymore. I've released it.

Speaker 1: 1:02:22

What did you say was in the inner, was the back? What lives there?

Speaker 2: 1:02:26

Yeah, there's inner child. There's safety like security.

Speaker 2: 1:02:30

Okay, just yeah like that's right in there in that area, and I've just had so many different experiences where sometimes towards the end of the breath, when we're done, that's when you really get to receive the magic. So the breathwork is hard, you know it's not easy. You go through a masculine part of the breath, which is the work part, and then it changes into more of a feminine part of the breath. So you're getting out of that alpha brainwave state, which is the thinking and doing, and the brain starts to turn off a little bit. And then you go more into beta And then it connects into other parts of your brain that don't get to communicate when you're in an alpha brainwave state. And Google this, you can look this up and look up all the science.

Speaker 1: 1:03:16

I just know it works on me.

Speaker 2: 1:03:18

I just know it works specifically for my body.

Speaker 2: 1:03:22

But, yes, you go through this whole experience and towards the end, sometimes people will feel and what I've felt is either complete bliss, like just so full of love and so full of like it's all going to be okay, and just surrounded by white light or blue light or whatever it is I'm seeing in that moment, and then it's all going to be fine.

Speaker 2: 1:03:43

I've also had moments of complete, just like groundedness, where I can't even my body is like one with the earth. I can't even feel my fingers, or, like my body, i'm just so at peace and that it's going to like all be okay. And so it's different every single time And most people are like tender afterwards, like you just want to have like a good nourishing meal or take a shower and go to bed or go outside. Some people get really creative and they want to like make music and poems, and usually I'm like I'm tired because I've moved energy, so I just want to like you know, have a good meal and maybe watch some Netflix and then go to bed and just take care of myself.

Speaker 1: 1:04:28

We have not done an episode on breathwork yet, and we have also never talked about my experience with breathwork. Yeah, we're not going to talk about today, but we'll have Lindsay Beck on. Yeah, but I really talking to other people, talking to Callie, talking to you. my experience It is a psychedelic experience without taking a psychedelic.

Speaker 3: 1:04:59

I did a mini session at Saturday's with spirit which was like 20 minutes right 20 minutes And I could feel it going that direction. I could feel emotions coming up. I started to cry and I was like why am I crying? Why am I crying? So I've never done a like anything I've done at home. It's just, you know, 15, 20 minutes. I do feel a lot better, but I've never done a full on session. So I'll wait for you.

Speaker 1: 1:05:30

Well, and I think even what you do, it's a breathing exercise.

Speaker 2: 1:05:34

Yeah, I think I would need help to tap that deeply, yeah, and so most people will do it one on one in a private session, and then some will just go straight into a group and the facilitator is going to be able to guide the group, and that is normal for emotions to come up. by cried for years.

Speaker 3: 1:05:59

I feel like I would be scared to do it in a group at first. I feel like I'd want to do it alone because I'm like what if? I'm like oh, i'm shaking, i am.

Speaker 2: 1:06:09

Yeah and so and there's also like the way that I did it through the pandemic is I connected with my breathwork teacher through zoom And so I got to do it in the privacy and healing in my own home, but connected to a community on zoom And so that's the way that I healed. I healed in my home, you guys, yeah, but I was connecting to you know people through you know.

Speaker 3: 1:06:31

But I would love to do with you because, like, i feel comfortable with you, like there was nothing against the other person, but I just didn't know them. So I think there has to be kind of a level of vulnerability to especially for me to really tap into those feelings.

Speaker 2: 1:06:45

You know. That's why you want to choose your healers correctly. Like you don't always know everybody's energy and I think it's good to hold people accountable that are in the healing world. Just because they're in the healing world doesn't mean Yeah, And it was.

Speaker 3: 1:06:57

Yeah, it was nothing against her, I just didn't, didn't know her very well, but with you I already feel this level of comfort and safety with you, So like if it did get into a vulnerable situation which I struggle with with people anyways, like I would feel safe with you.

Speaker 1: 1:07:15

How much longer you got on that training. Well, actually shoot me text.

Speaker 2: 1:07:23

So well. And then the other thing I want to say is, like in group will, because so much energy is building up. What can happen in the body is the hands can do this, which is called tetanine and when there's a lot of energy in the hands, it's connected to heart energy.

Speaker 2: 1:07:39

There's just a lot of energy that's going on in the heart, and so we usually hold rocks to ground us, and then what also can happen is there can be a lot of energy anywhere in the body, really, but another one is the lips, and they'll do this.

Speaker 1: 1:07:53

They think a little fish.

Speaker 2: 1:07:54

yeah, like a lot of energy here. And so what we do at that point within the breath work is we release energy by either laughing together as a group and like, okay, i'd be like, all right, do your best friends laugh, and then like and then you guys are trying to do each other's laugh And so you just you're laughing hysterically, but that moves energy out of the body. So it sounds weird, but it just it gets energy, just like moving out of those areas. or we scream, like we'll do a primal scream and just like get it out, and again, that just again moves energy, so it can get out of the mouth, it can get out of the hands, and then you just return back to the breath.

Speaker 3: 1:08:30

I love that I'm gonna go quick, do my laugh. What's mine?

Speaker 1: 1:08:39

You guys would be perfect. Yeah, it's awesome, i love it. Okay, we've talked about this before with her. Okay, you have these little healing women's gatherings, oh yes, a couple of times a month. So, yummy, love them, love them. I okay, i want to speak on this for just a minute about how important it is to have a community. We talk about this a lot, but I don't think my, i don't. My husband's never done anything like this, so I don't think he understands. And he said something like well, you have a social life, like you do that women's circle, and I'm like that's not a social life, like I'm not going in there hanging out with these women. And I told him I said the last one I went to I didn't know any of them, it was all new people.

Speaker 3: 1:09:39

Like you didn't know anybody that was there.

Speaker 1: 1:09:42

I knew Erica's sister, okay, and Lindsay, i knew you, but everyone else was. There was brand new, but I'm proud of you To me.

Speaker 2: 1:09:48

To you.

Speaker 1: 1:09:51

And I was like but there's something about being in a space with people who are you know, who are also on the same journey. You don't even have to talk about it. It's like an unspoken camaraderie within the group And you feel safe, you feel nurtured, especially because, like, you're there and you give that, you put a lot into these spaces and you put a lot of thought behind, like the meat, i think. After the last one, I was like um, there was a song that came on at the beginning of the breath work session. I need to add that to one of my playlist. Can you send it to me? There's you, you create this container for safety and it just. It's extremely healing And it has nothing to do with having a social life and hanging out with my girlfriends, so there's a difference there. But I do think things like that are incredibly healing If you can get out of your comfort zone, because I don't think I would have ever done that before without like a hand to hold.

Speaker 3: 1:11:02

Well, why don't you share what your embodiment circle is?

Speaker 2: 1:11:06

Yeah, so, um, it's here in Louisville and I usually do it once or twice a month at core Pilates, and I also just want to say with core Pilates that space is a healing space.

Speaker 3: 1:11:20

I love that space.

Speaker 1: 1:11:22

Um is.

Speaker 2: 1:11:23

And I I want to share this, but I don't, because it's like sometimes when you like bring something up, people just want to tear it down. You know what I mean. But I like it's. It is a safe, sacred healing building. Um, it's been blessed by Buddhist monks, Like it's just like, it is just a good, good space.

Speaker 1: 1:11:40

There's crystals, like in every corner.

Speaker 2: 1:11:42

It's very intentional. The studio owner, bear Decatur, um. He has put things inside and outside of the building to specifically like, hold it in a safe, sacred container with the elements, with the, you know, the four directions, just, just just everything.

Speaker 3: 1:11:59

With the you know yes So it's just probably why you walk in and you immediately are like Oh well, that's the other thing too is Leah, and I haven't done Pilates since we did Pilates with you, because I feel like nothing will be the same.

Speaker 1: 1:12:17

So we're trying to get on your schedule so bad but we're really struggling with our schedule, so we need to talk Just right now.

Speaker 3: 1:12:23

We just need to talk after. It's so nice at the at the palace.

Speaker 2: 1:12:26

Yes, we like to call it the palace.

Speaker 3: 1:12:27

But I like that. I have been to a Pilates studio before and I did not feel at home. But going to this Pilates studio I was like I feel very comfortable here.

Speaker 2: 1:12:40

Thank you for saying that. So yeah, those of you that are listening. So core Pilates, it is mainly a Pilates studio. We have a school through that program that's led by a physical therapist called in and it's called integrated balance, but anyway. So downstairs is the Pilates studio and then upstairs is where we have my embodiment circles. We have breath work and sound bowl healing. We also do privates up there sometimes because we have a couple of machines that we, you know, get get out of the way when we have the groups. But anyways, i do have my embodiment circle there once or twice a month.

Speaker 2: 1:13:10

That's my home base, that's where I love to be, and these embodiment circles are created specifically for women and women identifying folk that want to drop into their bodies, that want to deepen back into the wisdom of their bellies, their intuition, that really just want to slow down and gather together with like-minded women in the community and just have a sacred space to just be with themselves and be with their bodies. And it's just a very intentional container where we get together and I usually lead us through like a grounding meditation or some visioning. Sometimes we'll journal. It just depends on if it's the new moon or the full moon and what type of theme I have This. Last time we drank ceremonial tea together.

Speaker 1: 1:14:01

It was a heart chakra opening tea.

Speaker 2: 1:14:02

We put some essential oils on. There's candles everywhere and I'll alter and I just make this space just very cozy and feminine with all the shades down. We also dance under the stars with these like projector light stars, and so it's just a very beautiful setting. But, depending on what we're working through, i always have in body, which is this feminine movement meditation, and the idea with this feminine movement meditation is to drop into our senses, to get out of our thinking and our doing and drop into our feeling and our being and have a feminine practice together. And so I create a playlist It's usually different every single time for the group And I just weave us through these different energies and these different archetypes that we feel and experience as women.

Speaker 2: 1:14:59

So I drop us into our sensuality, which is our sensual siren. I drop us into our power, our warrior queen, and then I drop us into our inner little girl, which she is all about play. And these are energies and archetypes that maybe throughout our life we have forgotten about, that have gone dormant, or that maybe we've experienced just that, maybe feel far away. And so we get to tap into those archetypes and those energies and maybe get a little bit closer with them through dancing, through movement, through embodiment, through somatics, and so I guide us through different somatic practices too, with shaking and tapping and just different things to just move energy out of the body and drop a little bit deeper.

Speaker 1: 1:15:50

And so it's amazing.

Speaker 3: 1:15:52

Yes And Leah and I feel like go for different reasons because we have different needs or different things that we struggle with. but one of the things that I love about this embodiment circle is how many adults dance. Not very many, right. Not very many of us move And usually when we think of like, oh, i'm going to dance, we think, oh, i'm going to go to a bar and dance because that's like the only place I can dance And that's often not a very high energy.

Speaker 1: 1:16:22

I don't want to go to a bar.

Speaker 3: 1:16:24

I don't want to. You know that's very low vibrational, but also like I don't want to dance and have men or a man be watching me and I feel unsafe. And I get to go and dance and not feel like I have to be performative or like look a certain way or dance to like what's socially acceptable. And I'm with women and I feel safe and I get to kind of move to whatever. However, i'm feeling, not like Okay, i'm doing this move because this is how you do this to this song.

Speaker 3: 1:16:59

And this is yeah this is sexy And I'm trying to make myself look good because other people are watching me. You go in this space. The women don't like the women. they're worried about themselves. It's so safe and judgment free.

Speaker 1: 1:17:14

And our eyes are like half closed.

Speaker 3: 1:17:16

I keep mine like very, but I like it because it's like I get to be Be sexy, I get to be playful and playful, I get to be ratchet and feral, Like I get to be all of those things. I get to be soft and feminine, I can rage whatever. It is like I can do it and it's safe.

Speaker 2: 1:17:45

Yeah absolutely, and I love that. You said that too about the eyes. So it is a movement meditation, and so we do try to keep our eyes closed or like gaze soft, and the idea is is like you don't have to look, like me, i don't. We, we dance how we want to in that moment. For that day, however, she, the feminine, how she's wanting to be expressed in that moment, in that song, in that power, in that energy. And so, although I'm demonstrating the whole time, i'm slowly dropping into what feels good for Christine today, what feels good for Leah today, like what feels good for you. How do you want to stretch, how do you want to emote that energy through your body today? How do you want to like express your power? How do you want to express your sass?

Speaker 1: 1:18:37

It's so liberating. So let's collab and host an embodiment circle with Lindsay specifically for our listeners, our local listeners. Can we do that?

Speaker 2: 1:18:55

H, h, h H.

Speaker 1: 1:18:55

H, h, h, h, h, h, h H H. I would cuss a lot, i'm just like the fuck, fuck, fuck, yeah, yes, fuck, yes, we're doing it. Um, anything else that you want to add or ask her?

Speaker 3: 1:19:22

I just I love being around you. I just you just have this beautiful soul and L colonial.

Speaker 1: 1:19:29

And.

Speaker 2: 1:19:29

I just, I just love you adore you both and I'm so glad we came into each other's lives and just what you're doing on this podcast, the conversations that you're having, and I just appreciate you guys so much.

Speaker 1: 1:19:48

Thank you for having me. Thank you All right for our listeners, stay curious and hope to see you on the other side of Lindsay's embodiment circle. Bye.